# Hey ladies is this fair



## Eric Everson (Jul 10, 2006)

I don't mean to bother you. But do you think it is fair that my wife is accusing me of not taking care of the family when I am bringing in 500 a week. I lost my job at the factory I was at. When we first got married I had a decent job and was saving up for an education. We ended up having a couple of kids and I took care of her and the kids with my jobs though they weren't great jobs I still took care of her and the kids. I really didn't have time to go to school when taking care of her and our kids. When I would get home from work she would always ask me to go shopping and I would have to clean the house the whole house. Now she is blaming me for not getting an education. I know I should've but I lived in not to great of an area where there wasn't a whole lot of schools around with somthing that I liked. Now she has a bachelors degree so I suggested that if she can get a job I could have time to go to school. She says I am the man and thats my job. I relize that but in this economy we have to work together to take care of the kids. Now she wants to leave me. She has a job in real estate but it's not bringing in any money and she blames for everything. Is this fair.


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## Eric Everson (Jul 10, 2006)

*I just wanted to*

get a womans opinion on this.


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## gohelg (Apr 29, 2010)

**

sorry, but i dont think is the economy . she say it it the economy , but I think its somthing else. ask here. my whife say the same before and blame the economy. when we talke about it. I found out Its whas free time she wont. free time to friends and a litle time away from the kids and me...so ask here


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## z28melissa (Feb 8, 2007)

I don't think it's fair to give my "opinion" without first hearing her side of the story. If this is the whole story - I think you already know the answer.


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## dayhiker1990 (Apr 23, 2010)

i think you should really try to sit down with your wife and talk. If you can't do that then i would suggest a counselor. it isn't really appropriate for me to form an opinion either way about your relationship because i do not know either one of you. 

but, my situation currently is my husband has supported me after i quit a good job i hated to go back to school and get a bachelors. i feel so lucky and blessed that i have a wonderful husband who supports me. when i finish school i intend to return the favor if he wants to go back. 

i just think marriage should be a partnership.


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## canam (Apr 2, 2003)

I will post my opinion. If you let her go to school while you worked and she got a bachelor's degree, and now you're not making as much money as you once did and want college, it is only fair that you get a chance to get an education.

Now, here's an idea: there are so many online opportunities where you can get college credits from your computer. The first two years are basically the same in all schools because it is a baseline type of degree with english 101, math, etc. Take advantage of your situation and see if you can get a grant. There are monies available for people who are in financial need.

Now, talk to your wife and get things straight between you. Express to her how you feel, but do it in a kind way. Personally, I'd say pray about it first and listen to what God says. I do nothing without praying and asking God for guidance.

Good luck and do remember that times are truly tough for everybody.


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## lefty o (Jul 14, 2004)

my opinion is, she's been taking you for a ride, and now that the going is gettin' tough she wants to bail.


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## MN_Chick (Jul 13, 2008)

!. Forgive me for being overly suspicious... but having spent way too many years in online chat rooms-- this is a classic pick up line. Spill a sob story about an unfair wife, get women to PM him and run with it. I smell something more than a little fishy. As stated up top, this is NOT a dating service.

2. If the story is true.. This is NOT the place to come and rag on your wife in hopes of getting us all to gang up on her. Coming in here and airing all of your personal complaints to the world shows an amazing amount of disrespect for her. You already know the story is not "fair" and you want a bunch of women to agree and tell you how bad you have it- sorry, I won't feed your self pity. Go talk to her and you might get somewhere. I will not apologize for being brutally honest- you asked a question and I gave my honest answer. I am pretty sure you won't like it, though. In the future, be very careful when asking for something- be sure you really want it.


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## Cheerioette (Apr 16, 2010)

There is always more to the story than just one person's perspective. While it sounds like your whole family is stuck in a sucky situation, I would recommend talking to her, and REALLY listen. It shouldn't matter what's fair or not right now, if you truly want to keep your family together.

Best of luck.


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## ksp2089 (Feb 7, 2010)

As most of the others said, it's hard to give an opinion without first hearing both sides of the story. However, I will give my opinion on going back to school. I have been going to school for the last 4 years trying to get a 2 year degree. Until recently, I was a single, divorced mother. I was working full time as well as being a mother to my children. Most of the time I have taken classes online through my local community college, sometimes taking on a full load of classes. I have spent many nights doing homework until 1:00am, then getting up at 7:00am to go work a 12 hour shift. What I am saying is, if you truly want to go back to school, you can find a way. It takes determination to see it through, but it can be done while still working and spending time with you family. That being said, it also helps to have someone to support you and understand when you have homework to do and can't give them as much time as they deserve. 

Hope everything works out for you.


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## Mali (Dec 20, 2008)

MN_Chick said:


> !. Forgive me for being overly suspicious... but having spent way too many years in online chat rooms-- this is a classic pick up line. Spill a sob story about an unfair wife, get women to PM him and run with it. I smell something more than a little fishy. As stated up top, this is NOT a dating service.
> 
> *2. If the story is true.. This is NOT the place to come and rag on your wife in hopes of getting us all to gang up on her. Coming in here and airing all of your personal complaints to the world shows an amazing amount of disrespect for her. You already know the story is not "fair" and you want a bunch of women to agree and tell you how bad you have it- sorry, I won't feed your self pity. Go talk to her and you might get somewhere. I will not apologize for being brutally honest- you asked a question and I gave my honest answer. I am pretty sure you won't like it, though. In the future, be very careful when asking for something- be sure you really want it.*


I agree 100% with this. This isn't the place to come for this type of thing. I think you already know what the situation in your relationship is and you need to talk to her, asking us if it's fair isn't going to help your relationship is it. What are you going to do, go to her and say "the girls on AT think you are being unfair"? that won't give you any credibility with her, being honest and up front with her hopefully will get you farther. Good luck.


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## Eric Everson (Jul 10, 2006)

*When we*

got married she already had a bachelors and half of a masters. So if she worked while I went to school then it would've made it easier. She is the type that thinks it is the mans duty to take care of her. In a way it is but when times get tough the woman should be able to help out. When we first got married we sat down with a pastor and he talked to us both and told her that when times get tough through our marriage she might have to work and she agreed. I am planning on joining the army active duty to get us both and my kids a better life. But until then I need her support and her helping out till I can get in.


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## Eric Everson (Jul 10, 2006)

*Ohh*

and I am not trying to pick up any woman in here I love her with all my heart.


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## Sooner Girl (Aug 15, 2005)

Eric in my opinion if she is going to stay at home and not work then she needs to get off her butt and do the housework and not make you do it when you get home with her being home all day there is no reason at all the house shouldn't be cleaned and dinner cooked!
She also should get out and get a job, It takes two incomes now a days even if it is just part time.

You also need to not let her walk all over you and treat you the way she does!

Shannon


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## dayhiker1990 (Apr 23, 2010)

Good Luck Eric...like I said...just talk to her and get it all out.

I hope everything works out for you both and your family.


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## Crazy4Centaurs (Feb 8, 2010)

lefty o said:


> my opinion is, she's been taking you for a ride, and now that the going is gettin' tough she wants to bail.


---------->Agree !


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## buckeye_girl (Nov 1, 2008)

Eric Everson said:


> and I am not trying to pick up any woman in here I love her with all my heart.


I can't speak for anyone else but I've spoken with Eric several times and I've even chatted with him off AT and he's been nothing but a gentleman and has never made one off the wall comment or pick up line. He's spoken about his wife before and I never had any reason to suspect that he wasn't 'happy' before this. There has never been a negative comment made about her before. I don't think that is what he is doing here. He's been one of the most respectful people I've chatted with but again that's me and I cannot speak for anyone else. 

I believe he was just venting in a place he felt comfortable .... AT. Archers helping archers even though its not archery related.


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## buckeye_girl (Nov 1, 2008)

Sooner Girl said:


> Eric in my opinion if she is going to stay at home and not work then she needs to get off her butt and do the housework and not make you do it when you get home with her being home all day there is no reason at all the house shouldn't be cleaned and dinner cooked!
> She also should get out and get a job, It takes two incomes now a days even if it is just part time.
> 
> You also need to not let her walk all over you and treat you the way she does!
> ...


Gotta buy you a :darkbeer: for that.........couldn't have said it better myself


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## KSGirl (Jan 6, 2010)

This may not make me the most popular person but I have to speak from my heart here! It's obvious that things are not at their best right now in your relationship with your wife and for that I'm very sorry but I don't think that posting these kinds of details about her and your relationship on a women's forum is the right thing to do. Personally I think it would be very hurtful for your wife to know that you are discussing your relationship with other women. I'm in NO way saying that you are on here trolling for women I think you are probably frustrated and seeking some help but this isn't the place for it. Would it bother you that your wife were telling several men, strangers or friends about the things she thinks are wrong with your marriage.... I think it would. You need to have a heart to heart with your wife!


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## mortre (May 1, 2010)

I generally speak to female friends when me and my wife have issues. It generally helps me because men and women generally have completely different thought processes. And another woman can generally tell whats going on better than a man. We (men) are generally left scratching our heads going "Where did THAT come from?" But explaining the situation to a female friend, they can generally explain where the she's coming from, and I can move on from there.

Then again I spent the last of my formative years on active duty in a combat unit (all male). So my "female specific" set of social skills is pretty pathetic. Can't really tell a woman to "suck it up and drive on" and expect it to help matters. :embara:


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## KSGirl (Jan 6, 2010)

mortre said:


> I generally speak to female friends when me and my wife have issues. It generally helps me because men and women generally have completely different thought processes. And another woman can generally tell whats going on better than a man. We (men) are generally left scratching our heads going "Where did THAT come from?" But explaining the situation to a female friend, they can generally explain where the she's coming from, and I can move on from there.
> 
> Then again I spent the last of my formative years on active duty in a combat unit (all male). So my "female specific" set of social skills is pretty pathetic. Can't really tell a woman to "suck it up and drive on" and expect it to help matters. :embara:


I understand what you are saying about talking with a female friend for a woman's point of view because let's face it Men ARE from MARS and Women ARE from VENUS! It's very true that we speak different languages sometimes. The problem I have is posting it on an open public forum, I would be so hurt if my husband did something like this and for the record the OP has made other posts in different forums about this doing nothing but bashing his wife. Now I don't know either one of them but this is no way to treat someone you claim to love. I just feel it's very disrespectful and hurtful.


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## emesa (Oct 19, 2009)

KSGirl said:


> I understand what you are saying about talking with a female friend for a woman's point of view because let's face it Men ARE from MARS and Women ARE from VENUS! It's very true that we speak different languages sometimes. The problem I have is posting it on an open public forum, I would be so hurt if my husband did something like this and for the record the OP has made other posts in different forums about this doing nothing but bashing his wife. Now I don't know either one of them but this is no way to treat someone you claim to love. I just feel it's very disrespectful and hurtful.


I concur. I would have serious issues were my husband to ever do something like this.


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## Admiral Vixen (Feb 21, 2009)

*Wth*

:mg: Did you all say the vows ???


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## 223Huntress (Nov 25, 2009)

KSGirl said:


> I understand what you are saying about talking with a female friend for a woman's point of view because let's face it Men ARE from MARS and Women ARE from VENUS! It's very true that we speak different languages sometimes. The problem I have is posting it on an open public forum, I would be so hurt if my husband did something like this and for the record the OP has made other posts in different forums about this doing nothing but bashing his wife. Now I don't know either one of them but this is no way to treat someone you claim to love. I just feel it's very disrespectful and hurtful.


Well said! This is not the place and strangers are not the people for that. IMO you contribute to the problem when you post your marital issues on a public forum instead of working on yourself to change your situation. Read a book, get counseling, consult family, etc. Those are productive choices, pick one. A man truely in danger of losing his wife & children shouldnt be wasting his time on a silly forum.


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## Killratio (Dec 31, 2009)

You, your wife and your kids have my prayers! I wish you all the very best of luck! I do hope all your differences can be reconciled.


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## Penny (Jun 20, 2008)

Wow, you ladies are pretty dang brutal! Personally I'd be happy if my husband ran to a group of ladies who were not related to our daily lives to get a generalized opinion, it would show he sincerely cared and didn't assume he was right. Who better to ask than a stranger? Would you prefer a man to air dirty laundry with your mutual friends instead? Or do you think men do not need to discuss things? Besides the fact if he wanted a sympathetic ear he'd have gone out drinking with the boys. :doh:

You married a women who wanted a traditional marriage, "Leave it to Beaver" you knew that going into it, by the same token she knew she was marrying "Average Joe" when she got into it. Financial problems are the #1 problem to relationships and it has a bad way of making a mountain out of a mole hill. That's the reality check for both of you. If she wants to be a Princess and her Prince is failing her it's time to set her down and not gently. Princesses who demand their Prince to change light-bulbs for them do not respect men who wear aprons around the house and do not deserve the mutual communication that you would expect from a 50/50 partnership. Sad to say, some women think it's suppose to work like this and she may only be waiting for you to grow some nuts and be the barking Daddy figure she thinks men are suppose to be. If all you are however is a paycheck to her and you are failing to meet her expectations then she has no love of the man, only the paycheck. 

A big clue you are going to have is to take a look at your Father in Law and her parents relationship. Just on the FYI, even in "Leave it to Beaver", both did amounts of work and respect was mutual, a point feminists missed and it turned some ladies into highly confused Princesses who wanted their cake and to eat it to.


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## Penny (Jun 20, 2008)

Still no comment, well ladies if you wish continue to dog a man let me explain, real men care about you but dogs and fed up men will not deal with the drama. You can only push a man so far and not only are cougars readily available, a paid service to swallow is a mere $5. 

To the lady who implied this was an internet pervert, internet and RL perverts are into teens with perky breasts and tight arses aka probably not you, so don't get too impressed with yourself.


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## KSGirl (Jan 6, 2010)

Penny said:


> Still no comment, well ladies if you wish continue to dog a man let me explain, real men care about you but dogs and fed up men will not deal with the drama. You can only push a man so far and not only are cougars readily available, a paid service to swallow is a mere $5.
> 
> To the lady who implied this was an internet pervert, internet and RL perverts are into teens with perky breasts and tight arses aka probably not you, so don't get too impressed with yourself.


Ok I don't usually reply to persons such as this but........WOW!! What planet are you from? I've read some other things you've posted and I have to say Please don't try to speak for the Women on this forum because I don't believe that too many of us would agree with your comments. If you're ok with your husband going on an open forum and bashing you and asking other women to agree with him then so be it but I think it's a very sad state of affairs! I feel most for the children because they are always the ones caught in the middle and pay the price!


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## Gary K (Nov 28, 2008)

Wow, Penny, way to poke a nerve! BTW, spot on. Just a few thoughts:
1. Dude, you need to step back and realize you're being walked on if what you said is the whole story. If you accept it that's your choice. It's fair for you to point these things out to your wife, in as low-confrontational environment as you can, but no person must willingly accept physical or emotional maltreatment, period, and that includes you. 
2. The only way to solve the problem is to talk through it. It won't go away or get better on it's own. Either talk through it together as friends and partners that promised forever and for better or worse, or see a counselor. Or prepare for the eventual explosion from one of you that tears your marriage and the kids' lives assunder. 
3. As a man I couldn't care less if Penny speaks for the herd of women on AT or not. Her posts might be caustic to a few, but there's usually valid point being made.
4. Anyone who thinks this guy's description here on AT was "bashing" his wife must be pretty sensitive, because anyone who's been involved with marital and divorce counseling for couples in distress know this is very mild and still recoverable if both are willing to try.
Press on, brother, and good luck. You've got some work ahead, but it won't change if you don't stand up for yourself. If you want to do some reading on similar circumstances others have lived through research Ayn Rand's concept of sanction of the victim and marital counseling success and failure stories. Respond gently, lovingly, but firmly, and if she doesn't want to treat you with respect and mutual love then you must choose how long you're willing to accept it.


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## warped Arrow (Sep 20, 2005)

First off let me say that I feel for you guy. Anyone that has been married for more than a few years will have some sort of trouble.

I know I am not a gal, but I have been married for 14 years and have seen my share of trouble. You need to sit down with her AND a moderator that is impartial and talk about this. Do NOT get a family member!! They will always take sides.

Penny, here a spit is $5, a swallow is $10!!

I also agreee that this gent is certainly not bashing, he is asking an opinion. 

KSGirl, The gent never asked anyone to agree with him , just asked if yall thought this was fair.

My wife knows I come to AT, heck, she even has been here when I am on. Looking over my shoulder while in chat, while I am posting, ect. SHe has heard me speak about many of you all and when I do, 99% of the time it is in love and good natured. I tend to be a "loner" and my online friends are about the only ones I have.

Eric, if you love your wife, your kids, and your marrage, talk with her and get the full picture. Dont go into it angry or hurtful, but go into it with love and compasion. If she starts to yell, dont tell her to calm down, and dont start yelling yourself. Just talk through it and hopefully it will work out for the best.

WA

PS....If you need to talk, I am just a PM away.


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## Penny (Jun 20, 2008)

For the ladies crashing down on this man can't you figure out he's hurt and angry, confused and lost on how to deal with this situation. If he came here maybe he has no other place to turn or maybe he has respect for his wife and isn't going to air this out to friends and family. So you ladies would rather see him swing, keep it all bottled up inside until he explodes? You would rather see him void of advice so his marital problems continue to the point of divorce. 

May my husband never be left to swing, feel alone in this world or get smacked down for trying. Fortunately the OP did get some good advice and he knows who he can turn to now. Everyone's had marital problems, if you haven't had them yet don't worry, your turn will come. Hopefully when the time comes you turn to someone for help, doesn't matter how you do it, because if you don't the marriage is doomed anyway.


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## Eric Everson (Jul 10, 2006)

*Thanks penny*

Right now I am just trying to get advice and maybe some ideas. Not trying to pick up woman. I love her with all my heart. I do feel right now I have no place to turn and I feel there is no reason in my life to live. I just want to die.


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## Q!! (May 3, 2005)

Eric Everson said:


> Right now I am just trying to get advice and maybe some ideas. Not trying to pick up woman. I love her with all my heart. I do feel right now I have no place to turn and I feel there is no reason in my life to live. I just want to die.


Whoa brother. Love is a wonderful thing, but it can also make you feel just the opposite in cases like this. Death is no substitute for whatever you are going through. Death solves nothing, but only causes more hurt. One should never wish for death or want death. Death will come soon enough for all of us. 

Life often throws us curve ballls and we wonder how we are going to go on and get passed the obstacles. Only way to do it put your head up and plow on. When times get tough, it's time to bare down, man up and figure out how you are going to make this crappy time in your life a positive experience to learn from. 

I wish you all the best brother. There are lots of good folks here who would be more than happy to talk to you if you wish. Just send a PM to somebody and I'm sure you would get positive responses. Good luck and God bless.


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## B-G-K (Sep 19, 2009)

In today's economy she should be happy you HAVE a job and that she has a husband who works hard to support her and her family. If she would leave you over money and tough times then that's rediculous assuming this is the full story we're hearing.


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## bucks/bulls (May 23, 2010)

Penny said:


> For the ladies crashing down on this man can't you figure out he's hurt and angry, confused and lost on how to deal with this situation. If he came here maybe he has no other place to turn or maybe he has respect for his wife and isn't going to air this out to friends and family. So you ladies would rather see him swing, keep it all bottled up inside until he explodes? You would rather see him void of advice so his marital problems continue to the point of divorce.
> 
> May my husband never be left to swing, feel alone in this world or get smacked down for trying. Fortunately the OP did get some good advice and he knows who he can turn to now. Everyone's had marital problems, if you haven't had them yet don't worry, your turn will come. Hopefully when the time comes you turn to someone for help, doesn't matter how you do it, because if you don't the marriage is doomed anyway.


Thank you!!! Great post,I have been reading thru,and have been apolled at some of calloused remarks some of these other ladies have left.not hard to tell the ones that have been scorned or aren't happy themselves!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Guest (Jul 15, 2010)

*When you hit rock bottom, there's only one way out...and that's up!!!*



Q!! said:


> Whoa brother. Love is a wonderful thing, but it can also make you feel just the opposite in cases like this. Death is no substitute for whatever you are going through. Death solves nothing, but only causes more hurt. One should never wish for death or want death. Death will come soon enough for all of us.
> 
> Life often throws us curve balls and we wonder how we are going to go on and get passed the obstacles. Only way to do it put your head up and plow on. When times get tough, it's time to bare down, man up and figure out how you are going to make this crappy time in your life a positive experience to learn from.
> 
> I wish you all the best brother. There are lots of good folks here who would be more than happy to talk to you if you wish. Just send a PM to somebody and I'm sure you would get positive responses. Good luck and God bless.



Hang in there and keep your chin up...you're not alone!! Does anyone know how he's doing??


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## Penny (Jun 20, 2008)

Eric, you are not alone. Most of us have been there at least once. Difference in people isn't who goes through it, it's those who are man or women enough to admit they go through it.

You were drowning, you reached out, a few hands came out to grab you. See, you can help yourself. 

Your emotions are bottle necked right now, it's clouding your judgment. Happens to everyone. Go PM one of those who has offered, Gary is one wonderful man to talk to, has a good head on his shoulders and with all his years the military you won't be the first man he's seen cry, won't phase him one bit and there is nothing you can tell him he hasn't seen or heard before. Nor is it something you should be ashamed about. Anyone who's admitted being there is not going to blink an eyelash if you turn to them. It's how people get through these things. 

Just the process of righting tends to help people sort their feelings and their thoughts. 

PS, your a good man, looks to me like you work pretty hard and always have, looks to me like the worlds kicked you in the stomach a time or two and you've always managed to pick yourself up by your bootstraps and go on regardless. I have no doubt you get through this too. Marriages and people alike have survived a whole lot worse but I think you already know that.


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## signal_600 (May 29, 2009)

Eric Everson said:


> When we first got married we sat down with a pastor and he talked to us both and told her that when times get tough through our marriage she might have to work and she agreed.


IMHO you and she should sit down with your pastor again and discuss what is happening. Sometimes we need to remember that we should petition the Lord for help when we find ourselves in a bind that we cannot fix on our own. If she won't go along with you to meet your pastor then go by yourself and let him know what is up; I have a feeling it'll be good for ya. - and I'll pray for you all in the meantime.


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## pinski79 (Jan 23, 2010)

hang in there man.


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## ANGEL (Jun 6, 2009)

I just have to chime in here. You Need to take time out and think about things a little better. As for your wife, I agree with some of the posts here about talking this out with her. 

As for the comment about wanting to die, you cant think that way. When you start feeling that way you need to step back and think of your children. They need you! If things are the way you say they are, they are gonna need you to teach them right from wrong. Do you want your children growing up thinking being treated this way is the way it should be? They need a role model. They need you!


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## thumperjack (May 22, 2009)

Eric Everson said:


> Right now I am just trying to get advice and maybe some ideas. Not trying to pick up woman. I love her with all my heart. I do feel right now I have no place to turn and I feel there is no reason in my life to live. I just want to die.


a women can do despicable things to mans heart,trust me bro i've been there! the more you love them the colder and devious they can get.i had a tough go with my situation some years back and it had ripped a hole in my heart,but they are right,you have to keep trying to talk this over with her.Eric ... my thoughts and prayer goes out to you and your family.


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## Eric Everson (Jul 10, 2006)

*Thanks*

man. I need all the prayers I can get.


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## bucks/bulls (May 23, 2010)

Eric Everson said:


> man. I need all the prayers I can get.


So talk to us man this thread has been goin on for quit a few days now,have you made any attempts to talk things over with your wife yet? I hope so,waiting and procrastinating isn't gonna help you in anyway.jus make things worse the longer its bottled up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bsites9 (Mar 22, 2008)

gohelg said:


> sorry, but i dont think is the economy . she say it it the economy , but I think its somthing else. ask here. my whife say the same before and blame the economy. when we talke about it. I found out Its whas free time she wont. free time to friends and a litle time away from the kids and me...so ask here


are you speaking english?


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## B-G-K (Sep 19, 2009)

bsites9 said:


> are you speaking english?


He's from Norway, don't be a d-bag. I bet his English is better than your Norwegian.


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## bsites9 (Mar 22, 2008)

B-G-K said:


> He's from Norway, don't be a d-bag. I bet his English is better than your Norwegian.


just checking. i wasn't sure where he was from. that's why i asked. but u know what, after i posted it, i realized it sounded more harsh than i expected or wanted it to, so i apologize.


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## B-G-K (Sep 19, 2009)

bsites9 said:


> just checking. i wasn't sure where he was from. that's why i asked. but u know what, after i posted it, i realized it sounded more harsh than i expected or wanted it to, so i apologize.


Ditto. I wasn't trying to be a jerk neither, but I guess I'm just a natural :wink:


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## Gary K (Nov 28, 2008)

Eric, it was nice talking with you... you're a good man, a good husband, and a good father. Keep pressin' on, please follow though on what we talked about, and be sure to call me or PM any of the good folks here if things start spiraling down. More folks than you realize care about you, and we're here for you. :amen:

Good luck on studying for the test! :thumb:


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## Eric Everson (Jul 10, 2006)

*Thanks*

Gary.


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## bucks/bulls (May 23, 2010)

Gary K said:


> Eric, it was nice talking with you... you're a good man, a good husband, and a good father. Keep pressin' on, please follow though on what we talked about, and be sure to call me or PM any of the good folks here if things start spiraling down. More folks than you realize care about you, and we're here for you. :amen:
> 
> Good luck on studying for the test! :thumb:


As the title says Archers helping Archers! Its awesome when a group of people that have never met can come together,in a time of need!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## B-G-K (Sep 19, 2009)

bucks/bulls said:


> As the title says Archers helping Archers! Its awesome when a group of people that have never met can come together,in a time of need!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Agreed :darkbeer:.


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## buckeye_girl (Nov 1, 2008)

thumperjack said:


> a women can do despicable things to mans heart,trust me bro i've been there! the more you love them the colder and devious they can get.i had a tough go with my situation some years back and it had ripped a hole in my heart,but they are right,you have to keep trying to talk this over with her.Eric ... my thoughts and prayer goes out to you and your family.


Don't put it all off on men. I loved a man who cheated, abused and put me down and I would still get up at 0430 make him breakfast, clean, do his laundry and be there waiting for him when he did decide to come home. It's not a man or woman thing. It's about the human. 

Eric sounds like you've had some good people to talk to. Sorry I haven't been able to respond to you much I'm house sitting and have been pretty busy. It does sound like you have some good guys on here that you've been talking to. It's good to have strong male support as well as a woman's opinion. 

Keep your chin up hun.


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## BUCKSTER (Jan 20, 2003)

Eric Everson said:


> I don't mean to bother you. But do you think it is fair that my wife is accusing me of not taking care of the family when I am bringing in 500 a week. I lost my job at the factory I was at. When we first got married I had a decent job and was saving up for an education. We ended up having a couple of kids and I took care of her and the kids with my jobs though they weren't great jobs I still took care of her and the kids. I really didn't have time to go to school when taking care of her and our kids. When I would get home from work she would always ask me to go shopping and I would have to clean the house the whole house. Now she is blaming me for not getting an education. I know I should've but I lived in not to great of an area where there wasn't a whole lot of schools around with somthing that I liked. Now she has a bachelors degree so I suggested that if she can get a job I could have time to go to school. She says I am the man and thats my job. I realize that but in this economy we have to work together to take care of the kids. Now she wants to leave me. She has a job in real estate but it's not bringing in any money and she blames for everything. Is this fair.


Lets break down the issues here....

You Eric have a job and are the sole financial support for your family? If yes, then let's take a look at the shopping/house cleaning issue. 
How old are your kids? If they are school age then what is your wife doing during school hours( summer is she providing 100% of the childcare?) If not then who is? And can you document it?

Next as far as cleaning goes....first let me say ah poor baby has to clean the whole house .......then let me say what is the "stay" at home mom doing all day? And have you asked her? What is her reply

Now this may be hard to do but you say she wants you to leave.....how about you tell her no I will not leave however if your are turly unhappy and see no future with me or the kids in this house then you are free to leave.

If your her sole supporter then let her leave and let her go get a job for herself. If your able to take care of the kids yourself you'll have ot figure out how to .....sadly she maybe working the angle of divorce and she get primary car of the kids leaving you to pay for all the bills as you do now plus a place for you to live.....that's gonna be hard to do at your current pay scale. 

Most states do a minimum of 20% of your pay for child support ( although your state may have a different scale. ) 

I suggest writing everything she says or does, down With dates and times, this will included her time spent with the kids/household duties in case this leads to a divorce....you will need any and all supporting documents to insure you get full custody of the kids.

Laslty......sit down and ask her if she really wants to leave. Remember your not leaving she is....she is the one who suggested someone leave (namely you) do not leave.....stake your ground for your sake and your kids sake.....if she can not accept the situation then she is the one who needs to leave not you.

Ask her to go to counseling. Make sure your the one who sets up the appointment for the counseling (again if this leads to a D it will help you) 

I really suggest talking to her and trying your best to find out what her issues are and working on them......you really need to speak to her bluntly and honestly.

Sorry you having martial issue best of luck.

Oh yeah you asked it fair.....no but then again somebody in just about every single relationship marriage or otherwise is the one who bares the burden of doing more in the relationship then the other......

Oh yeah who is the one controls the money? that is an important issue in marraige.


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## SEOBowhntr (May 13, 2005)

Wow, this sounds like a mess. 

I have suspicions as well, but different than the "LADY's" suspicions..... Most of the time if a woman up and wants to leave a man that REALLY is treating her okay, it's because she's got ANOTHER MAN that she THINKS is gonna treat her better. Just my suspicion, but we'll leave it at that. In the overall realm, if this woman is really as she has been described, and wants to leave, I think I'd probably pray for God to grant me guidance and then thank him many times over if she DID leave. Having been married for quite a few years, my wife and I have a pretty good relationship, sometimes I do 90% of what needs done and she only does 10%, sometimes it's the opposite, but we have a good life, happy kids and that's about all we could ask for. 

FINANCIAL ISSUES are the biggest cause for either divorce or people not getting divorced when they really would like too. 


Eric, 
Put your CHILDREN's needs first, and you'll never go wrong, put your faith in GOD guiding you and you'll never go wrong. If she REALLY wants to leave, then you're not going to change her mind, and you may be better off letting her go, as much as that may tear you up, remember that GOD will never challenge you with more than you can handle. Whenever times seem tough, he's always there..... 



> "My precious child, I love you and will never leave you, never, ever, during your trials and testings. When you saw only one set of footprints, It was then that I carried you."


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## redneckcowgirl (Jul 22, 2010)

Penny said:


> Eric, you are not alone. Most of us have been there at least once. Difference in people isn't who goes through it, it's those who are man or women enough to admit they go through it.
> 
> You were drowning, you reached out, a few hands came out to grab you. See, you can help yourself.
> 
> ...



You are right.... talking to others can help...And thats all he is doing asking for a little help.You can tell he loves his wife and kids.


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## shooter74 (Jul 7, 2005)

Penny said:


> Wow, you ladies are pretty dang brutal! Personally I'd be happy if my husband ran to a group of ladies who were not related to our daily lives to get a generalized opinion, it would show he sincerely cared and didn't assume he was right. Who better to ask than a stranger? Would you prefer a man to air dirty laundry with your mutual friends instead? Or do you think men do not need to discuss things? Besides the fact if he wanted a sympathetic ear he'd have gone out drinking with the boys. :doh:
> 
> You married a women who wanted a traditional marriage, "Leave it to Beaver" you knew that going into it, by the same token she knew she was marrying "Average Joe" when she got into it. Financial problems are the #1 problem to relationships and it has a bad way of making a mountain out of a mole hill. That's the reality check for both of you. If she wants to be a Princess and her Prince is failing her it's time to set her down and not gently. Princesses who demand their Prince to change light-bulbs for them do not respect men who wear aprons around the house and do not deserve the mutual communication that you would expect from a 50/50 partnership. Sad to say, some women think it's suppose to work like this and she may only be waiting for you to grow some nuts and be the barking Daddy figure she thinks men are suppose to be. If all you are however is a paycheck to her and you are failing to meet her expectations then she has no love of the man, only the paycheck.
> 
> A big clue you are going to have is to take a look at your Father in Law and her parents relationship. Just on the FYI, even in "Leave it to Beaver", both did amounts of work and respect was mutual, a point feminists missed and it turned some ladies into highly confused Princesses who wanted their cake and to eat it to.


this is the best post on here . i agree 100%.


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## shooter74 (Jul 7, 2005)

KSGirl said:


> Ok I don't usually reply to persons such as this but........WOW!! What planet are you from? I've read some other things you've posted and I have to say Please don't try to speak for the Women on this forum because I don't believe that too many of us would agree with your comments. If you're ok with your husband going on an open forum and bashing you and asking other women to agree with him then so be it but I think it's a very sad state of affairs! I feel most for the children because they are always the ones caught in the middle and pay the price!



(((( what the truth hurts ))))


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## shooter74 (Jul 7, 2005)

*hello*



bucks/bulls said:


> As the title says Archers helping Archers! Its awesome when a group of people that have never met can come together,in a time of need!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


archers helping archers. does any of that mean any thing to any of the people that are giving this guy a hard time. think about what you are saying he is asking for help dont think he is here to pick any body up . some of you has been in the same boat as him and are mad because he came here to ask for help wake up people.


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## KSGirl (Jan 6, 2010)

shooter74 said:


> (((( what the truth hurts ))))


And what is that supposed to mean?


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