# If you took a crap in the woods . . . .



## ozzz (Jul 30, 2010)

1. Would deer be spooky around this area?

2. How long would it take for them to forget about it?

Discuss


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## ungawa (Nov 15, 2009)

They would investigate, but their travel would not be effected.


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## d3ue3ce (Jul 2, 2009)

depends on what you had for dinner. . . .


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## kyle31490 (Jan 7, 2007)

You pooped today, didnt you?


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## CPinWV (May 26, 2009)

d3ue3ce said:


> depends on what you had for dinner. . . .


:icon_1_lol:


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## Doebuster (Mar 5, 2006)

they actually like it! i have been selling mine packaged as jimmys no69 but lure!


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## Ib4Hoyt (Jan 19, 2004)

not if you used the new scent-loc toilet paper


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## pure havoc (Apr 21, 2003)

ha my buddy shot a button opening weekend while taking a dump . he said the only thing it effected was his accuracy to shoot while in that position . lol he jumped them on the way in and they came back . must of been what he had for breakfast that drew them back in


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## BoonROTO (Sep 17, 2009)

Ib4Hoyt said:


> not if you used the new scent-loc toilet paper


Thats clever!



Andrew


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## Crazy_Boxer (Apr 24, 2008)

True story...my brother and I were hunting one evening and it was getting close to prime time. Well my brother had to go real bad so he climbed out of his tree, crapped in a 1 gallon zip lock, dug a hole and burried it. Climbed back up and not minutes later shot a 120" 10 point. So if you're worried about deer smelling your poop bring some 1 gallon zip locks !!!


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## Ib4Hoyt (Jan 19, 2004)

Crazy_Boxer said:


> True story...my brother and I were hunting one evening and it was getting close to prime time. Well my brother had to go real bad so he climbed out of his tree, crapped in a 1 gallon zip lock, dug a hole and burried it. Climbed back up and not minutes later shot a 120" 10 point. So if you're worried about deer smelling your poop bring some 1 gallon zip locks !!!


if you need a gallon you need a doctor!


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## Edge 1 (Aug 13, 2009)

This is why I have a diet consisting only of CORN during deer season. (Would that be considered baiting?)


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## Crazy_Boxer (Apr 24, 2008)

Ib4Hoyt said:


> if you need a gallon you need a doctor!


 LOL !!! More for aiming purposes I guess !


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## Ib4Hoyt (Jan 19, 2004)

Crazy_Boxer said:


> LOL !!! More for aiming purposes I guess !


yeah thats a good idea....


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## MasterBlaster (Apr 13, 2005)

Funny posts! ESP the scent loc. Someone should put some carbon in some toilet paler. Sad but it would probably sell a lot. 

But seriously I always bring something to wipe with since when you gotta go you gotta go and leafs frigging suck! I just clear a spot (leafs ans pine straw)w my feet squat and cover it up. I try not do do it right by my stand but have never seen it effect deer. I've had then cone by where j had crapper the day before they never acted like it bothered them.


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## jlh42581 (Oct 21, 2009)

i always dump over a log, no chance of falling in it.

my buddy dumps right out of his climber, holds on too it and hangs his ass over the side


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## cityhunter346 (Jun 26, 2006)

I dropped a deuce right over the rail of my Summit viper once.


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## maxxis man (Apr 3, 2010)

I don't want to risk it so I always crap by one of my friends stands. Then listen to him complain about the racoon crap all over.


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## MWoody (Dec 31, 2004)

jlh42581 said:


> i always dump over a log, no chance of falling in it.
> 
> my buddy dumps right out of his climber, holds on too it and hangs his ass over the side


I don't care who u are...Dat right dare is funny!!! Hope he's strapped in while attempting to drop a log or two....lmao


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## slamnationalley (Jul 5, 2007)

Answer your question! Doesn't seem to bother this guy!


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## wingmastr23 (Sep 10, 2010)

Climbed my tree one morning (climbing stand).....sat down.......figured I was screwed...couldn't wait....climbed back down...walked about 80yds away....dug a little hole....did my thing.....covered it up...climbed back up in the tree.....shot a 140 class 9pt about 40 minutes later.....(the deer did walk from the opposite direction...which I tried to plan!!!)


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## Lrgmouth (Jan 23, 2008)

Sometimes you have limited control. You have no control over when, or how, just where its going to happen.
I agree dig a hole and bury it. Seen some times in the woods, looks like someone unwrapped a mummy!


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## cw118744 (Jul 16, 2010)

I always wear jersey gloves. They make a nice back up for TP. Just watch out for ur huntin buddy carryin the glove back to the truck in the next few weeks askin if you lost it like my huntin buddy did once.


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## grapesmuggler27 (Sep 7, 2010)

I've been known to come home without a sock top once or twice...


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## Hoosierflogger (Jan 14, 2009)

cw118744 said:


> I always wear jersey gloves. They make a nice back up for TP. Just watch out for ur huntin buddy carryin the glove back to the truck in the next few weeks askin if you lost it like my huntin buddy did once.


:sign10:
Thanks a lot! I just spit coffee on the keyboard.


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## RodsNBows (May 26, 2009)

Lrgmouth said:


> Sometimes you have limited control. You have no control over when, or how, just where its going to happen.
> I agree dig a hole and bury it. Seen some times in the woods, looks like someone unwrapped a mummy!


Aaaaaa, that was me.


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## PennArcher88 (Feb 3, 2010)

Holy sh*t, i cant stop laughing. Thanks for the funniest post in awhile. Gotta love the Hunters Humor. Goodluck everyone


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## mbeason (Sep 27, 2007)

It took a little talk with the wifey to get her to understand why I have a couple shirts with a sleeve missing and why I don't have matches to a few pair of my hunting socks lol. This is a funny thread because I have never thought about the doing the forest brown bombing run from 25 ft. up. It takes a special kind of person for that kind of skill.


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## MOC (Jul 4, 2003)

I have to take a dump every morning. I’m as regular as the day is long. I knew I was in trouble one day two seasons ago when my usual “me time” didn’t occur after I woke up. I had a couple cups of coffee in the truck on my way to the woods, and of course this doesn’t help. I got suited up and began the long walk in. About halfway in, I felt a familiar tingling in my gut and I knew I might be in trouble. However, I attempted to control it by ignoring it. For the record, you cannot will a poop away. I continued to treat my upcoming morning delight much the same way as your government treats the federal deficit – just ignore it and hope it goes away.

Got to my stand, climbed up and waited for daylight. By this time I was breaking a brow sweat. We’ve all experienced this particular brow sweat, and it usually occurs just as you’re reaching Defcon 5 and are trapped behind the wheel of your vehicle in a traffic jam somewhere. I continued to choose to ignore the obvious gastrointestinal jihad that was brewing in my shorts, as the magic moment of daybreak was about to occur. By this time, my brow sweat had evolved into a full body sweat, and I judged myself to be 90% effaced. Unsnapping my fall protection harness, I did my best impression of the 82nd Airbourne division on my way down the tree, following by a record-breaking sprint as far away from my stand as biology would allow. 

My coveralls were ripped down and I did manage to bend over in time to seed the woods with the results of my wife’s fine home cooking. My sweet relief was followed by a careful scanning of my surroundings, and the realization that my Olympic-record sprint away from my tree had resulted in putting roughly 10 yards between my stand and a now-steaming pile of squeezin’s. Daybreak was seconds away, so I cleaned up with a t-shirt that I still miss, and climbed back into the tree. I thought my odds of encountering a deer this close to my mound of biological warfare couldn’t be good, but was equally sure that any deer that dumb could probably easily be shot, as well.

Within minutes, even as I watched the mist rise from my still-warm scat, I arrowed a fat doe downwind of this treat. I intend to go back to visit this spot later in the year, as I’m certain a mighty oak must be growing in the spot, given the level of intense fertilizer the soil received that day.


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## MOC (Jul 4, 2003)

Here is the poor animal that took a sniff of my chat before taking an arrow:


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## STUDENT-ARCHER (Jun 26, 2009)

Edge 1 said:


> This is why I have a diet consisting only of CORN during deer season. (Would that be considered baiting?)


I want to sit in on this court case!


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## Dextee (Jan 4, 2007)

cw118744 said:


> i always wear jersey gloves. They make a nice back up for tp. Just watch out for ur huntin buddy carryin the glove back to the truck in the next few weeks askin if you lost it like my huntin buddy did once.


lol!!!!


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## Dextee (Jan 4, 2007)

MOC said:


> I have to take a dump every morning. I’m as regular as the day is long. I knew I was in trouble one day two seasons ago when my usual “me time” didn’t occur after I woke up. I had a couple cups of coffee in the truck on my way to the woods, and of course this doesn’t help. I got suited up and began the long walk in. About halfway in, I felt a familiar tingling in my gut and I knew I might be in trouble. However, I attempted to control it by ignoring it. For the record, you cannot will a poop away. I continued to treat my upcoming morning delight much the same way as your government treats the federal deficit – just ignore it and hope it goes away.
> 
> Got to my stand, climbed up and waited for daylight. By this time I was breaking a brow sweat. We’ve all experienced this particular brow sweat, and it usually occurs just as you’re reaching Defcon 5 and are trapped behind the wheel of your vehicle in a traffic jam somewhere. I continued to choose to ignore the obvious gastrointestinal jihad that was brewing in my shorts, as the magic moment of daybreak was about to occur. By this time, my brow sweat had evolved into a full body sweat, and I judged myself to be 90% effaced. Unsnapping my fall protection harness, I did my best impression of the 82nd Airbourne division on my way down the tree, following by a record-breaking sprint as far away from my stand as biology would allow.
> 
> ...


Awesome just awesome!!! LOL!!!!!


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## carybcom (Oct 28, 2009)

MOC said:


> I have to take a dump every morning. I’m as regular as the day is long. I knew I was in trouble one day two seasons ago when my usual “me time” didn’t occur after I woke up. I had a couple cups of coffee in the truck on my way to the woods, and of course this doesn’t help. I got suited up and began the long walk in. About halfway in, I felt a familiar tingling in my gut and I knew I might be in trouble. However, I attempted to control it by ignoring it. For the record, you cannot will a poop away. I continued to treat my upcoming morning delight much the same way as your government treats the federal deficit – just ignore it and hope it goes away.
> 
> Got to my stand, climbed up and waited for daylight. By this time I was breaking a brow sweat. We’ve all experienced this particular brow sweat, and it usually occurs just as you’re reaching Defcon 5 and are trapped behind the wheel of your vehicle in a traffic jam somewhere. I continued to choose to ignore the obvious gastrointestinal jihad that was brewing in my shorts, as the magic moment of daybreak was about to occur. By this time, my brow sweat had evolved into a full body sweat, and I judged myself to be 90% effaced. Unsnapping my fall protection harness, I did my best impression of the 82nd Airbourne division on my way down the tree, following by a record-breaking sprint as far away from my stand as biology would allow.
> 
> ...


That's the funniest post I've read in a while!  I bet my co-workers think I'm crazy.


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## T-head125 (Jul 5, 2005)

A guy who I hunted with... pooped in a big mouth pepsi bottle... picture that for a second


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## Kwestlund (Nov 18, 2008)

wow this made for some good laughs this morning haha


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## MOC (Jul 4, 2003)

T-head125 said:


> A guy who I hunted with... pooped in a big mouth pepsi bottle... picture that for a second


Wow. That guy is talented.


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## ParkerBow (Dec 4, 2006)

This has me thinking. I will be selling the following for $29.95

1) carbon Dash (just like the orginal Mrs Dash seasoning blends except with carbon flakes
2) Carbon Ceral and oatmeal.

Guarantee your #2 will not spook any game


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## MOC (Jul 4, 2003)

Buddy, if my chit doesn't spook game, nobody's chit will spook game. I typically would describe the odor as smelling like I passed a dead animal.


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## jhg (Sep 26, 2005)

MOC said:


> I have to take a dump every morning. I’m as regular as the day is long. I knew I was in trouble one day two seasons ago when my usual “me time” didn’t occur after I woke up. I had a couple cups of coffee in the truck on my way to the woods, and of course this doesn’t help. I got suited up and began the long walk in. About halfway in, I felt a familiar tingling in my gut and I knew I might be in trouble. However, I attempted to control it by ignoring it. For the record, you cannot will a poop away. I continued to treat my upcoming morning delight much the same way as your government treats the federal deficit – just ignore it and hope it goes away.
> 
> Got to my stand, climbed up and waited for daylight. By this time I was breaking a brow sweat. We’ve all experienced this particular brow sweat, and it usually occurs just as you’re reaching Defcon 5 and are trapped behind the wheel of your vehicle in a traffic jam somewhere. I continued to choose to ignore the obvious gastrointestinal jihad that was brewing in my shorts, as the magic moment of daybreak was about to occur. By this time, my brow sweat had evolved into a full body sweat, and I judged myself to be 90% effaced. Unsnapping my fall protection harness, I did my best impression of the 82nd Airbourne division on my way down the tree, following by a record-breaking sprint as far away from my stand as biology would allow.
> 
> ...


 That is the funniest post i have ever read on here bar none!! thanks for the laugh!


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## acdraindrps (Aug 26, 2008)

Best thread in a while here and outs a bunch of crap!:darkbeer:


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## Magellan308 (Nov 21, 2008)

just like talking to a 4 year old!


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## groundpounder1 (Jun 28, 2010)

Only thing that is better is watching your buddy come back to camp after doin the deed in the hood of his coveralls ! Classic north woods hunting .


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## Ancient Archer (Sep 25, 2008)

I have a camo outfit for sale. The camo is "Real Deal Pucker Seal". Comes with a built-in bed pan and with a one-shot guarantee. If you aren't totally satisfied, go before you go. Paper is extra.


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## BowHuntnRedneck (Oct 5, 2006)

T-head125 said:


> A guy who I hunted with... pooped in a big mouth pepsi bottle... picture that for a second


Thanks for making me laugh so hard i startin crying. haha


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## breaknockspeed (Jan 9, 2007)

I can't stop laughing. This is some seriously funny stuff.


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## Twitch (Oct 14, 2007)

I was fishing one cold December morning with a couple of buddies after a huge greasy breakfast, the weather was brutal, but the rock were biting like mad. I look over a one of my buddies and he was sweating a little to much considering the temperature. It was to rough to hang it over the side and with no bucket on board, we ran to the bank. The boat eased up onto dry ground and the sweating buddy launched off the bow and hit terra firma in a dead run. His sprint lasted about 20 paces before the coveralls and pants came down in one quick motion. The three of us left on the boat looked the other way and made small talk for a few minutes trying to escape the smell, when we hear the sweating buddy ask if anybody has a knife. He had crapped in his hood on the coveralls!:set1_rolf2:


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## Ib4Hoyt (Jan 19, 2004)

i always have the runny kind during hunting season,,,now way i could hit a pop bottle,,heck the outside of a 5 gallon bucket aint safe either! :lol:


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## wingmastr23 (Sep 10, 2010)

A buddy of mine and I hunt together all the time..(filming etc) So one Sunday morning we hike into our spot - he is climbing a tree beside me using a climber (a twin oak tree) and I am also climbing with a climber........It is still pitch black, the woods are ultra quiet, and we are in stealth mode as we move up the trees. 

We both are about 20' in the air - and I hear him say..."Uh-oh!"......and all of a sudden, there was a severe lack of desire on his part to be "quiet".....he starts moving down the tree with reckless abandon! His stand is making enough noise to wake every animal within a mile of us. 

As he hits the ground, I can't see him, but I see his flashlight pop on...and I watch the light go bouncing thru the woods to a spot about 100yds away. By this time, I am cracking up - his discomfort is comedic relief to me, probably because I have been in the same boat a few times....

He gets back to the tree, and by the time he climbs up, it is shooting time.....Well, about 30 minutes goes by and we see the farmers dog tromping thru the woods....He gets downwind of my buddies fresh pile and his neck jerks around. He makes a bee line for it. 

As we are watching the poophound's nose go to work, I start thinking - "Crap man - this is gonna be a complete waste of a day".....All of a sudden I hear my buddy whisper "I hope he brought a straw!" I laughed so hard I thought I was gonna pee myself. At that point, the day was done - we didn't care.....We sat there and watched the dog lap up the "goodness".....and a few minutes later we climbed down.

As we are driving past the farmer's house we look over and see the farmers wife standing behind the pickup truck with the tailgate down - the dog was standing in the back of the tailgate - and it was licking all over her face....We about drove off the road we were laughing so hard....

No deer were harmed that day....but it was a memory I will never forget!


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## tombstone01 (Oct 26, 2006)

I always have 'stomach issues". ain't no way it is going into a pepsi bottle or a bag. I would be lucky for it to be sprayed into a hole I dug.


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## dropride (Oct 28, 2008)

Needed a good laugh today. :sign10:


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## Ib4Hoyt (Jan 19, 2004)

wingmastr23 said:


> A buddy of mine and I hunt together all the time..(filming etc) So one Sunday morning we hike into our spot - he is climbing a tree beside me using a climber (a twin oak tree) and I am also climbing with a climber........It is still pitch black, the woods are ultra quiet, and we are in stealth mode as we move up the trees.
> 
> We both are about 20' in the air - and I hear him say..."Uh-oh!"......and all of a sudden, there was a severe lack of desire on his part to be "quiet".....he starts moving down the tree with reckless abandon! His stand is making enough noise to wake every animal within a mile of us.
> 
> ...


ewwwwwwwwwwwukey:ukey:ukey:ukey:


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## Darin J (Jan 28, 2010)

wingmastr23 said:


> A buddy of mine and I hunt together all the time..(filming etc) So one Sunday morning we hike into our spot - he is climbing a tree beside me using a climber (a twin oak tree) and I am also climbing with a climber........It is still pitch black, the woods are ultra quiet, and we are in stealth mode as we move up the trees.
> 
> We both are about 20' in the air - and I hear him say..."Uh-oh!"......and all of a sudden, there was a severe lack of desire on his part to be "quiet".....he starts moving down the tree with reckless abandon! His stand is making enough noise to wake every animal within a mile of us.
> 
> ...


That's funny right there....:set1_rolf2::set1_rolf2:


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## Viva'sBow (Feb 7, 2010)

I haven't had a solid poo since college about 10 years ago. A wide mouth pepsi bottle...lol no way.


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## Ib4Hoyt (Jan 19, 2004)

Viva'sBow said:


> I haven't had a solid poo since college about 10 years ago. A wide mouth pepsi bottle...lol no way.


Maybe we are taking to long of a shot to hit a pepsi bottle 

What are the poop ethics anyway?


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## madsammer (Nov 21, 2008)

If you eat alot of corn, is this considered baiting?


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## Viva'sBow (Feb 7, 2010)

Ib4Hoyt said:


> Maybe we are taking to long of a shot to hit a pepsi bottle
> 
> What are the poop ethics anyway?


I'm afraid if I slightly torque my sphincter, my shot could be a few inches off at that distance


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## Bob H in NH (Aug 20, 2002)

Crazy_Boxer said:


> True story...my brother and I were hunting one evening and it was getting close to prime time. Well my brother had to go real bad so he climbed out of his tree, crapped in a 1 gallon zip lock, dug a hole and burried it. Climbed back up and not minutes later shot a 120" 10 point. So if you're worried about deer smelling your poop bring some 1 gallon zip locks !!!


This thread is great! 

Anyone else see the irony in this? Take the most bio-degradable substance on earth, lock it up in plastic, then bury it to stay there for all eternity!


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## dropride (Oct 28, 2008)

How'd you like to be the person that digs that up in 50 yrs :mg:


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## DeerHuntin79923 (Dec 15, 2007)

Edge 1 said:


> This is why I have a diet consisting only of CORN during deer season. (Would that be considered baiting?)


Now that's Funny!!!


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## stickintoad (May 6, 2009)

Sometimes I come to this forum for info, but most of the time I come for some real life entertainment. Some of you guys are f-in hilarious!!!


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## jkratz (Mar 28, 2007)

I have been sitting at my desk crying for about 10 minutes, this is freakin great.

My best poop story happens to be one of my brothers. About 15 years ago he and a buddy took a guy they worked with on a bow hunt. My brother ended up with the gut wrench that we all know just about sends you into halicinations. So after a scamper down the tree and away from hunting area he exploded and did not realize that he had sprayed all over the straps on his bibs. upon redressing he got quite the suprise when grabbing the straps to his bibs and realized he had shat all over the place on the straps. He tried to clean up the best he could but it was basically a no win situation. Two hours later on the ride home in the pickup the new guy that was accompanying them for the first time on a hunt. Looked at my brother and says "Looks like you got Chit in your hair". I still laught my arse off everytime I hear or tell this story. Man this is a great thread.


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## Ib4Hoyt (Jan 19, 2004)

I was working on a guys cabin way back in the woods,this guy loved to recurve hunt,anyway,,i could feel the little pains start churning up my guts then it went away. Nobody was home at the time and i didnt want to go in the woods ,it was summer and i hate snakes so i kept on working thinking it was just a fart.
A few min later it got worse, then it got real bad, still hoping for a fart i held off doing the pucker thing.
Then hit me full force and i knew it was a matter of seconds until i exploded... so i took off down this little wooded hill into the hollow,,taking off my tool belt on the run, look up and see a little clearing which is good cuz i could see a snake there,,hit that clearing with my pants down and made it,,, relief at last.....i started looking on the ground and there was corn everywhere,,look up and the guy has a trail cam on the tree pointed right at me! SOME days you just cant win!


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## 2arrow1 (Jan 29, 2008)

anywheres good for me as long as its not down my legs.screw the deer if its that bad of a pain.


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## Fantail (Jul 9, 2009)

Not sure I understand the whole "if" part of this entire thread.


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## jlh42581 (Oct 21, 2009)

Ib4Hoyt said:


> I was working on a guys cabin way back in the woods,this guy loved to recurve hunt,anyway,,i could feel the little pains start churning up my guts then it went away. Nobody was home at the time and i didnt want to go in the woods ,it was summer and i hate snakes so i kept on working thinking it was just a fart.
> A few min later it got worse, then it got real bad, still hoping for a fart i held off doing the pucker thing.
> Then hit me full force and i knew it was a matter of seconds until i exploded... so i took off down this little wooded hill into the hollow,,taking off my tool belt on the run, look up and see a little clearing which is good cuz i could see a snake there,,hit that clearing with my pants down and made it,,, relief at last.....i started looking on the ground and there was corn everywhere,,look up and the guy has a trail cam on the tree pointed right at me! SOME days you just cant win!


ill bet he was thrilled


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## Steve in KC (Dec 17, 2008)

Not hunting related...but if you laughed to the point of crying at any of the above stories...well, this one will get you bawling! http://danmax.net/jokes/explosive_diahhrea.htm


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## madsammer (Nov 21, 2008)

read that before, that is funny stuff


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## ozzz (Jul 30, 2010)

Well Im glad this thread is a hit. My original purpose for asking and how this whole things came about is because I like some caffeine before the hunt (alertness aid). but caffeine can also act as a diuretic. How do you guys deal with this. I like caffeine and food before the hunt so Im not hungry and tired but I also like long hunts. . . . what do I do to keep this from happening?


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## T-head125 (Jul 5, 2005)

seriously if deer ran off every time they smelled urine or chit they would be some scared animals... I have had deer literally step over a pile of my own and they do not react adversely. 

Now they get your wind... that is a different story


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## G20 (Jan 31, 2008)

ozzz said:


> Well Im glad this thread is a hit. My original purpose for asking and how this whole things came about is because I like some caffeine before the hunt (alertness aid). but caffeine can also act as a diuretic. How do you guys deal with this. I like caffeine and food before the hunt so Im not hungry and tired but I also like long hunts. . . . what do I do to keep this from happening?


Just urinate. 

I try to take the neccesary precautios before hitting the woods. Sometime though that's impossible. I take immodium with me just in case i get hit mid morning with an urge. It will slow down the digestion.


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## jdouthit (Jun 18, 2009)

My dad took a crap in the woods and then 45 minutes later shot a 4 point (back when they were legal) as the deer sniffed the crap.


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## jwcatto (Jul 27, 2006)

I dropped a deuce out of a ladder stand only for it to fall and hit one of the steps on the ladder and splatter all over the others. Needless to say I had a .............crappy trip back to the truck. Seriously it was hard to avoid the poo that was waiting for me on the climb down.


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## bowhntng4evr (Dec 18, 2009)

MOC said:


> I have to take a dump every morning. I’m as regular as the day is long. I knew I was in trouble one day two seasons ago when my usual “me time” didn’t occur after I woke up. I had a couple cups of coffee in the truck on my way to the woods, and of course this doesn’t help. I got suited up and began the long walk in. About halfway in, I felt a familiar tingling in my gut and I knew I might be in trouble. However, I attempted to control it by ignoring it. For the record, you cannot will a poop away. I continued to treat my upcoming morning delight much the same way as your government treats the federal deficit – just ignore it and hope it goes away.
> 
> Got to my stand, climbed up and waited for daylight. By this time I was breaking a brow sweat. We’ve all experienced this particular brow sweat, and it usually occurs just as you’re reaching Defcon 5 and are trapped behind the wheel of your vehicle in a traffic jam somewhere. I continued to choose to ignore the obvious gastrointestinal jihad that was brewing in my shorts, as the magic moment of daybreak was about to occur. By this time, my brow sweat had evolved into a full body sweat, and I judged myself to be 90% effaced. Unsnapping my fall protection harness, I did my best impression of the 82nd Airbourne division on my way down the tree, following by a record-breaking sprint as far away from my stand as biology would allow.
> 
> ...


That's funny stuff right there. I don't care who you are.


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## bowhntng4evr (Dec 18, 2009)

Crapping and peeing in the woods, really don't affect deer movement that much.


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## Yichi (Dec 18, 2008)

Steve in KC said:


> Not hunting related...but if you laughed to the point of crying at any of the above stories...well, this one will get you bawling! http://danmax.net/jokes/explosive_diahhrea.htm


This post and this thread have to be one of the funniest things I have ever read online. I woke my sleeping son up from laughing so hard.


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## coyote1664 (Apr 24, 2010)

way to funny!! the guys in the shop are looking at me funny cause i am laughing so hard. two weeks ago i was up in the stand and had the pains hit about 20 min before shootin light, flew down the ladder and got about 5 yards from the stand before chernobyl hit the dirt. well about 40 minutes later i had 3 does come in behind the stand and right by the brown stuff. didn't bother them at all.


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## tombstone01 (Oct 26, 2006)

ol buddy pulled the coverall trick one time. He threw them back up on his shoulders and it hit him in the back of the neck. He had been drinking busch beer the night before and his stomach was tore up!!! 
When your stomach starts making those noises like somebody is killing a cat, you know you are in trouble. Aiming is out of the question. The only thought in your mind is not loosing a "grip" before you get the firing lane cleared.


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## Stab (Jun 25, 2009)

maxxis man said:


> I don't want to risk it so I always crap by one of my friends stands. Then listen to him complain about the racoon crap all over.


Dude! Im in tears crying laughing!


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## Stab (Jun 25, 2009)

Holy crap! I cant stop laughing!!!


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## DenCMSC (Jul 30, 2007)

I hate to say it, but if I crapped in the woods someone would call the darned EPA and all heck would break loose.....


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## dartonJT (Oct 8, 2009)

Wow im in tears in my stand right now
i


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## ozzz (Jul 30, 2010)

Yeah I get into the situation more than Id like to admit. Ive only HAD to dump in the woods a couple of times but Ive always worried about how it would affect the deer. I always try to let it ride and hope it subsides but sometimes that just isnt possible. I also dont think it would be a good idea to get out of my stand to drop the cosby kids off back at the cabin, then come back to my stand, I feel like thats just way way too much running around in the middle of a hunt. So this last time I got down walked like 150 yards away and dropped em off under a log and then covered it up with some branches. I didnt see another deer that hunt EXCEPT THE ONE I JUMPED CLIMBING BACK UP AFTER DOING THE DEED. Of coarse after that all I do is sit there and stress about it.


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## Fast40 (Jun 30, 2004)

True story,
Opening day of the VA bow season, my buddy and i show up to a property for the first time. We walked through a bean field and step in the woods and my friend has to take a deuce. While hes handling his business, I notice that a large white oak, just inside the woods, is dropping a ton of acorns and has a lot of deer sign under it. We scouted for about an hour, and my buddy found himself a good spot. However, I never saw a place I was really thrilled about. As the sun started to get lower, I decided to take a chance on the crappy oak that i had found earlier. (by crappy i mean the tree my friend crapped under). I ended up shooting a nice 8 pt. A few feet from the toilet paper, which was visible from my stand. 

I do not think that it bothers them.


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## Mig (Nov 26, 2008)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OtOckG5tNhc


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## ruffme (Aug 4, 2005)

I'm over 40...
I don't even dare fart in my stand anymore.....shart every time!


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## bunker (Jul 27, 2009)

ever had to drop a deuce while in a rowboat... i did. I ended up jumping in lake, it was summer, pulled down shorts, did my deed in water, and ten minutes later after going it started to drift by my brother in law and i while fishing... we laughed so hard we almost dumped the boat. Bunker


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## ruffme (Aug 4, 2005)

bunker said:


> ever had to drop a deuce while in a rowboat... i did. I ended up jumping in lake, it was summer, pulled down shorts, did my deed in water, and ten minutes later after going it started to drift by my brother in law and i while fishing... we laughed so hard we almost dumped the boat. Bunker


Laughing so hard I just **** my pants


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## 170p&ywhitail (Aug 29, 2009)

Oh my gosh why do we laugh about bowel movemnets! One morning I had that horrid feeling while in the stand, I tryed to wait it out but nope it was coming! So I scamper down the hackberry tree back to my truck and grab a feed bucket out of the back. I then hide in the hedge row and proceed to crap in a bucket. Well I then dig in my pockets for something to wipe with all I can come up with is my H.S rattle bag! So I empty the wood dowls out of it and wipe myself clean. Just as I'm done the farmer pulls up and talks he sees the bucket in the hedge and says "hey there's a good bucket" I nearly faint as he walks to it, I say uhh...id leave it alone I umm...had to umm...use it for a ......toilet. he grins and says well I'll let ya get back to huntn! I was so imbarrest.


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## Whitetail4ever (Dec 4, 2008)

Lolollol!


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## Ib4Hoyt (Jan 19, 2004)

170p&ywhitail said:


> Oh my gosh why do we laugh about bowel movemnets! One morning I had that horrid feeling while in the stand, I tryed to wait it out but nope it was coming! So I scamper down the hackberry tree back to my truck and grab a feed bucket out of the back. I then hide in the hedge row and proceed to crap in a bucket. Well I then dig in my pockets for something to wipe with all I can come up with is my H.S rattle bag! So I empty the wood dowls out of it and wipe myself clean. Just as I'm done the farmer pulls up and talks he sees the bucket in the hedge and says "hey there's a good bucket" I nearly faint as he walks to it, I say uhh...id leave it alone I umm...had to umm...use it for a ......toilet. he grins and says well I'll let ya get back to huntn! I was so imbarrest.


you should have tossed it on the back of his truck for him! :lol:


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## Whitetail4ever (Dec 4, 2008)

So frickin funny...even got the wife laughin!


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## jigga (Nov 20, 2009)

last season i went in the woods alot. my brother inlaw/ hunting partner hates it. but found it quite funny everytime his sister would tell him '' he used his underwear to wipe again'', i couldnt hunt all day with one sock was always my defense. So on christmas he shows up with a big box for me , when i opened it up it was a spike horn skull with a roll of toilet paper on each antler, and the tp was wrapped in camo tape. thats gotta be my most memorable christmas present ever. then a couple weeks ago we were hunting behind his mother in laws house, with his brother who dropped one in the woods, well the mother in laws dog found and brought it back to the house , tp and all . She sees the dog chewing on something and took it out of his mouth, by the time we got back to my house she was already calling him up screaming , it was funny.


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## ruffme (Aug 4, 2005)

Not a hunting crap story but ice fishing....
Pete...everybody knows Pete...Pete drinks Miller Lite from sun up to sun down....he's the life of the party until about 8pm then he's off to bed...
The first thing he does when we get to the sleeper is take a dump.....the crapper is a seat on a bucket and normally we line it with a plastic bag..Not Pete...he just lets it rip in the bucket...then he takes the bucket and flings it out the door...Now the whole snow bank is brown.....
The LP tank goes empty so we call in to the resort to bring out a new one....the guy shows up..see's he has to walk through the brown snow bank...
Looks at us and says....."You want heat..your hooking it up!"
Of course Pete is passed out by now.....


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## 170p&ywhitail (Aug 29, 2009)

Got another crap story, actually I have a bunch but will save them for later! Me and a buddy were quail hunting and he says hey man hold up I gota poop! I laughed and said okay I'll wait, so he goes in this old barn and does his duty. He comes out a little later and I had to ask....so what did you wipe ur butt with? He pulls open his vest and points to his shirt pocket that's no longer there! I laughed so hard. I said how in the hell did u get ur butt clean with a 3x3 peice of fabric!?! He says I dunno wasn't much there...leave me alone man.


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## ozzz (Jul 30, 2010)

Something everyone has in common. . . . outdoor browns stories


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## ruffme (Aug 4, 2005)

170p&ywhitail said:


> Got another crap story, actually I have a bunch but will save them for later! Me and a buddy were quail hunting and he says hey man hold up I gota poop! I laughed and said okay I'll wait, so he goes in this old barn and does his duty. He comes out a little later and I had to ask....so what did you wipe ur butt with? He pulls open his vest and points to his shirt pocket that's no longer there! I laughed so hard. I said how in the hell did u get ur butt clean with a 3x3 peice of fabric!?! He says I dunno wasn't much there...leave me alone man.


 Lot to be said for nailing the pinch


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## 170p&ywhitail (Aug 29, 2009)

My fathernlaw was crapping in a walmart bathroom stall and the stinch was so bad he didn't want anyone to walk in and say ***! Or something so he flushes the toilet before he is done. Well the toilet runs over while he is still perched so he frantically opens the stall door and crab walks to the other toilet stall to finish up! Can you imagine walking in on that!?!


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## bustn'nocks (May 11, 2010)

Edge 1 said:


> This is why I have a diet consisting only of CORN during deer season. (Would that be considered baiting?)


That's awesome!!!!


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## [email protected] (Dec 11, 2007)

One time long ago in hunting camp my dad had to take a crap before we headed out, and there was this old ******ed dog that stayed around there, anyway Dad was out in the weeds doing his deeds and this dog comes up behind him and eats the whole pile, dad comes back to the shack and says to the dogs owner, dam dont you ever feed your dog er what.


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## buckmark23 (Jul 1, 2006)

ozzz said:


> 1. Would deer be spooky around this area?
> 
> 2. How long would it take for them to forget about it?
> 
> Discuss


Deer would not be spooked. Videoed my friend on a deer hunt. He had a stomach attackukey: and barely made it to the ground to do his business. I was up in another tree about 5 ft from him. He wanted to call the hunt and I said since I had to endure all this we might as well stay for another hour or two. He shot his first deer with a bow about 40 minutes later. We tell the entire story every year at camp


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## Corinth Hunter (May 6, 2009)

I would crap close to my buddies stand and then get in mine!


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## UNCC Grad (Sep 10, 2004)

I don't think it bothers them that much at all. I dropped a deuce about 150 yards from a ground blind I was hunting in one morning, right in some planted pines. The next morning I jumped several deer that were bedded not 100 yards from that area, downwind at that.


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## MasterBlaster (Apr 13, 2005)

once a me and one of my hunting buddies were muzzle loader hunting about 150 yards apart (in some very think woods) and were planning on staying until 11am. Well around 9:30 a storm started brewing below and at 10:00 I had to get down out of the climber. He said he thought he heard something moving around my direction at that time. But did not know it was me.

So I barley make it 20 yards from the tree and start the deed. I was in mid dump and he had 4 deer come out and he blasts one. I flinched and nearly fell over since it was a very calm morning and he was so close. Then he yells they are coming toward you. I heard them but never saw them and was hoping I didn’t since I was still doing my business.

We laugh about that every time we talk about it!


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## overreved (Oct 17, 2009)

T-head125 said:


> A guy who I hunted with... pooped in a big mouth pepsi bottle... picture that for a second


That is some funny crap right there. LMAO


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## overreved (Oct 17, 2009)

A female friend of mine was stuck in traffic after she was at the beach all day. Grabbed the beach blanket laid it down on the seat and pooped right on it. I laughed so hard when she told me that story. Would never in a million years expect from this cute little blonde. Hey if ya gotta go you gotta go!!!


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## overreved (Oct 17, 2009)

Not a hunting story but camping. 5 years ago a bunch of us went camping for the weekend at a state park. Well I do not know if it was someting i ate but during the night I knew I could not make the camp ground bathrooms so I got as far as I could without going on the neighbors site. It was not pretty trust me. Well the next day my friends dogs come running back into camp and you guessed it. They had both been rolling in it. You never in all your life see people running away from the dogs. Pretty Funny .. Never did own up to it.:mg:


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## kaepos (Oct 7, 2010)

MOC said:


> I have to take a dump every morning. I’m as regular as the day is long. I knew I was in trouble one day two seasons ago when my usual “me time” didn’t occur after I woke up. I had a couple cups of coffee in the truck on my way to the woods, and of course this doesn’t help. I got suited up and began the long walk in. About halfway in, I felt a familiar tingling in my gut and I knew I might be in trouble. However, I attempted to control it by ignoring it. For the record, you cannot will a poop away. I continued to treat my upcoming morning delight much the same way as your government treats the federal deficit – just ignore it and hope it goes away.
> 
> Got to my stand, climbed up and waited for daylight. By this time I was breaking a brow sweat. We’ve all experienced this particular brow sweat, and it usually occurs just as you’re reaching Defcon 5 and are trapped behind the wheel of your vehicle in a traffic jam somewhere. I continued to choose to ignore the obvious gastrointestinal jihad that was brewing in my shorts, as the magic moment of daybreak was about to occur. By this time, my brow sweat had evolved into a full body sweat, and I judged myself to be 90% effaced. Unsnapping my fall protection harness, I did my best impression of the 82nd Airbourne division on my way down the tree, following by a record-breaking sprint as far away from my stand as biology would allow.
> 
> ...


 Epic.


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## KZaker (Sep 17, 2008)

I myself have had some close calls with the unexpected urge to drop one while in the field, but last year the guy I was hunting with told me that he was hunting with his wife's cousin the week prior and he also had the abrupt urge to take a dump. The urge was so abrupt that he quickly ran away from the other guy to a -slightly concealed location about 10 feet away and quickly moved into position for his exercise. Apparently his need to expedite the movement came at a cost that would not be realized until moments later. After he dash to the bush and his moaning and grumbling and wiping with a glove, he proceeded to pull his overalls back into position and when he flipped his hood onto his head - he found that he had missed the forest floor. . . . I always have a roll of t.p. in my backpack - it's just not worth crapping yourself for a deer. If the deer want to watch me take a poop that's all good.


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## Hootsma (Feb 20, 2007)

I'm a pretty regular person. Pretty much within 15 minutes of getting up, I'm dropping a deuce. However, getting up at 4:00 am throws my system off. I try to make it happen before going into the woods, but it's just the same as trying to stop it when it's ready... futile. To me, hunting wouldn't be hunting if it didn't involve pooping in the woods. Many times, the only time I will see deer is if I get down to take a crap. Aggravating to say the least. You'd think I would learn to take my bow with me, but I know that's just a disaster waiting to happen.

I don't get you guys dropping your load in your hood. I don't wear coveralls so maybe I don't understand, but I always check the landing zone before I let er rip. That's like sitting on a public toilet seat or using a public pay phone without inspecting it first. Your just asking for trouble and a mess.

I don't think a pile o poop is going to run off deer. I see so much coyote and dog poop around where I hunt, if it did, there would be no deer in those woods. And it's slap full of deer. If you are still concerned about it, just go downwind of where you are hunting, so either they smell you or your load. Either way, the jig is up.

The other morning I was on my way to my stand. I get to the base of my tree and I smell poop. I start looking around the ground all irritated hoping I didn't just set my pack in a pile of poop. Finally I lift up my right boot and see all the grass and weeds sticking to bottom of my boot and I realize I found the mother load. I step out of the woods onto the dirt and grass road to try to smear it off. In the process of doing that, I find the original landing zone, no more than 50 feet from my tree. Nasty.... I'm dragging my foot around in the dirt and grass for a good 5 minutes. I figure, surely that's got to take care of it. I go back to my tree and start up. I use climbing sticks to go up the tree. I get to the top and get settled in and I'm wondering why I still smell crap. I look down at my boot again and I can see a little bit of grass sticking out from the side. So, I look down the tree at my steps and I see poop on the right side of every single step. I guess the grass didn't get the poop out of the tread of my boots and the dirt just made it so I couldn't see it. Aggravated to high hell, I think my hunt is over.

Much to my surprise, a doe and yearling step out. Of course they cruise to my downwind side at about 10 yards and she stops once she gets down wind. I'm not sure if she smelled me or the poop. She didn't particularly care for what she smelled, but she didn't get all nervous either, although she did stand there for quite a while. I don't really believe in cover scents, but I'm guessing giving her proximity and the oderiferousness of the poop, that it overpowered my scent and covered it up pretty good. She simply moved down about 20 or 30 feet and continued in the same direction she wanted to go. I could have shot her several times, but the young'un with her made me hesitate.

The climbing sticks I use are the Muddy's. One of the reasons I got them was because they have steps on both sides. Makes installing them easier on my feet. Never thought it would also be advantageous if you get poop on a boot and get it all over one side of the steps. I still have the other side to grab onto with my hand and use on my way down. Kept me from getting crap all over myself.

My son and I were at the dinner table this morning working on homework before school. He starts to quote a line from the movie "Marmaduke".... "wait for it, wait for it..." then he rips a big fart and he continues the movie quote... "there's something seriously wrong with you". We laughed so hard, I thought I was going to pee myself. He's only 6 years old and well on his way to being your average American garden variety sick twisted young man. I could hardly contain my pride:77:

Robert


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## k_marshall (Feb 4, 2010)

Oh man is this funny stuff. I dont have anywhere near as funny stories as you guys.. but i do have a pair of long john bottoms that have a 4x4 square missin from the thigh


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## DAVEOB (Aug 15, 2007)

This is great, I think thread is the definition of* TMI*


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## MasterBlaster (Apr 13, 2005)

love these threads, make me feel like im in Junior high again luaghing at this crap!


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## ozzz (Jul 30, 2010)

MasterBlaster said:


> love these threads, make me feel like im in Junior high again luaghing at this crap!



and you have the best possible name for this thread!


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## rackaholic (Aug 4, 2005)

I'm guessing it gets more spooky to the deer when your buddy walks to your stand, steps in it, and then climbs your climbing stick. I know it spooked me away from that stand.


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## Mooreski (Aug 3, 2004)

Man, I've enjoyed this thread more than anyone I remember reading!
There's been very few times I can remember getting into the woods in the morning where I HAVEN'T had the urge to build my own Wendy's frosty.....ukey:


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## AjPUNISHER (Aug 21, 2010)

Oh man...some of us were just talking about just this kinda thing the other day.

As luck would have it i was out archery hunting last saturday and didn't make a deposit the night before...knew i was gonna have to go sat morning sometime. Sure enough bout 8:30 that morning the urge came. Instead of running for a "conventional" toilet i do my usual thing and take my dumps in a groundhog hole and burry the entrance over when i'm done.

I can only imagine what runs through the ground hogs mind! Does it have another hole to exit in/out of? dig's another route out or dig's through it...poor fella!:wink:
Done it before quite a few times, just hope 1 doesnt get mad someday and come out and grab the 1st thing it see's hovering over the hole.

On a side note...a few years ago, a bunch of us were out rifle hunting and piled into the truck at the end of the day. Where's that smell coming from? everybody in the truck is checking the bottom of there boots and sure enough somebody's pile had found it's way onto my boot treads...son-of-a.....!


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## Blillydubvee (Oct 13, 2009)

I hope I am not the only hunter to suffer this outdoor experience, if I am--maybe you can have a laugh at my expense. So here we go: I had a terrible brew churning one morning about 10:30AM, 22 ft up in a white oak. After this brew continued to "prairie dog" me for about 15 minutes, I decided that I had enough of this harsh treatment and scurried down my tree like a fox squirrel. 

I walked dwonwind about 150 yards and just took a comfortable squat position under some thick laurel. I thought that I had just had one of the best five minutes of my life. That was until I went to get up --only to discover two medium sized "prairie dogs" were now dead in my boxers and new cabelas dry plus pants! 

I think we all like meeting up with our hunting buddies at lunch after a good morning sit; to discuss what we had seen, shot, heard, etc. Ummmmm, not so much when all you are wearing is your jacket and a lonsleeve shirt tied around your waist like a loin cloth! I thought my buddy was going to scat in his draws from laughing so hard when I showed up at the truck.

This is something that should only happen once in your life. Maybe not even once!--but def not twice. This thread is great, some funny stories!


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## prairieboy (Aug 19, 2009)

I don't think the deer get spooked.If we are all telling poop stories here is mine.Last year after I built my ground blind i wanted to practice shooting out of it.I have a burlap bag style target I stuff with used shrink wrap.In the back of my truck i find an old fold up,put in a bag style lawn chair that I had broken the back strap on and figure this is perfect to rest the bag target on.So I set up,throw a bunch of arrows at it and get ready to leave.Not wanting to carry the chair back I leave it in the bush by my blind.A few days later I'm hunting and you guess it,I gotta poop.Not wanting to find a log to sit on I remember the chair.Out comes my hunting Knife,cut a hole in the seat and ta da , porta potty.I used that chair 3-4 times last year,LOL.Funnier still,my son was out 4 wheeling on the quad this spring and finds it and brings it back to the farm.Since the chair is all folded up he can't see the hole.In between busting a gut laughing and wiping tears outta my eyes I explain my "poop chair" story to him.He just looks at me an says " thats nasty,man".I'm taking the chair with me this year too.


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## 7thSeal (Dec 18, 2008)

My father-n-law was walking his place not hunting but just checking his oaks which he loves. He had to go and finished his business and shortly after a group of hogs came through right where he just went. He said, "I'm an old man and that's the first time in my life that I've taken a **** in the woods and then watch something come by and have it for lunch". I tell you, hogs don't care what it is. ukey:


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## highwaynorth (Feb 17, 2005)

If you wear scent blocker depends, you don't even need to worry about where or when. Plus it can also
warm you up on a chilly morning.


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## mndeerfreek (Feb 1, 2009)

THE BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I need it for the splatter factor LOL


Ib4Hoyt said:


> if you need a gallon you need a doctor!


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## mndeerfreek (Feb 1, 2009)

Cameraman did it last yr!!!!!! LOL way too messy, never again


jlh42581 said:


> i always dump over a log, no chance of falling in it.
> 
> my buddy dumps right out of his climber, holds on too it and hangs his ass over the side


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## jlh42581 (Oct 21, 2009)

this is a ****ty thread

my WORST experience. it was about the third day of rifle season, man it was COLD. so i had on enough layers that i felt like the kid in a christmas story. well, up the mountain i go. im stalking my way out across this bench when i feel one brewing. so i find a log, by the time i got through all the layers i was ready to explode. probably had something to do with the beer the night before. anyhow, i get to the last layer and rip down my base layer, i sit down in a hurry to start painting a picasso. well, what i didnt realize was there was about a 1" sharp point sticking up on this log. that ^#&@^#&(*@#$ went right into my ass cheek. you wanna talk about pain, here my ass cheek is now sore and i still gotta go. so i get situated a few feet over and start letn it rip. about that time i hear one hell of a crashing noise coming down the mountain. i look over my shoulder and here is a black bear at full run right towards me, i stand up, dong a flopn and start yelling, he veers off, i wipe and get dressed. i couldnt sit for about a week. the stick going into my cheek was not only a full blown puncture wound but then it bruised as well. i ALWAYS look before dropn down now, no matter how bad my sphincter is dilated


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## deerhunter101 (Jun 22, 2007)

Ib4Hoyt said:


> not if you used the new scent-loc toilet paper


haha yeah the industry is really milking this scent thing. i understand the deodorant and the clothes i guess but they didnt have any of this way back in the day and people still shot nice deer. all about advertising...


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## Jerm2118 (Nov 5, 2003)

True story. 

I had to go and I was afraid of the smell keeping the deer away so I ran as far as I could away from my stand to do the dead. About an hour later I saw some does coming down the trail. They changed their route and went right where I crapped and started sniffing it. If I would have done that twenty yards from my stand I would have shot one.


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## anglin'archer (Feb 28, 2010)

MOC said:


> I have to take a dump every morning. I’m as regular as the day is long. I knew I was in trouble one day two seasons ago when my usual “me time” didn’t occur after I woke up. I had a couple cups of coffee in the truck on my way to the woods, and of course this doesn’t help. I got suited up and began the long walk in. About halfway in, I felt a familiar tingling in my gut and I knew I might be in trouble. However, I attempted to control it by ignoring it. For the record, you cannot will a poop away. I continued to treat my upcoming morning delight much the same way as your government treats the federal deficit – just ignore it and hope it goes away.
> 
> Got to my stand, climbed up and waited for daylight. By this time I was breaking a brow sweat. We’ve all experienced this particular brow sweat, and it usually occurs just as you’re reaching Defcon 5 and are trapped behind the wheel of your vehicle in a traffic jam somewhere. I continued to choose to ignore the obvious gastrointestinal jihad that was brewing in my shorts, as the magic moment of daybreak was about to occur. By this time, my brow sweat had evolved into a full body sweat, and I judged myself to be 90% effaced. Unsnapping my fall protection harness, I did my best impression of the 82nd Airbourne division on my way down the tree, following by a record-breaking sprint as far away from my stand as biology would allow.
> 
> ...


Thank you sir! Taht was the heartiest laugh I've had this year.


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## anglin'archer (Feb 28, 2010)

Ib4Hoyt said:


> i always have the runny kind during hunting season,,,now way i could hit a pop bottle,,heck the outside of a 5 gallon bucket aint safe either! :lol:


Are you kidding. I hike alot when I hunt so mine condenses so much I'm not sure if it's biodegradable any more. Besides out of force of habit I might not have to wipe!


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## Bob H in NH (Aug 20, 2002)

when my cousin was around 12-13 he was hunting with my Uncle, his Dad. In NH you have to be "under control" of someone over 18, which basically means close enough to stop them from doing something stupid. Well my Uncle noticed my cousin dropping his drawers to take a dump, so thought he'd give him some space. He walked off 25 yards or so and BOOM!. My uncle went running back to see if my cousin just shot himself. Turns out as my Uncle walked off, he jumped a bear, which ran across infront of my cousin, squating to take a dump. Cousin saw the bear, grabbed the rifle and shot with his pants around his ankles!

When my uncle stopped laughing he asked if my cousin got the bear, his answer "I don't know my eyes where closed"


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## carramrod6 (Aug 8, 2009)

Prarie dog this one back ttt.


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## WalterJ (Feb 27, 2008)

too funny ttt


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## GobblerDown (Oct 27, 2009)

The Mods need to free the BIGBROWNBOMBER for this thread!!!! 

See below:

http://www.archerytalk.com/vb/member.php?u=129559


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## skynight (Nov 5, 2003)

Free the BBBomber!!


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## skynight (Nov 5, 2003)

http://www.archerytalk.com/vb/showthread.php?t=859614


http://www.archerytalk.com/vb/showthread.php?t=561653&highlight=brown+bomber


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## muskalungee (Jan 4, 2010)

MOC said:


> Buddy, if my chit doesn't spook game, nobody's chit will spook game. I typically would describe the odor as smelling like I passed a dead animal.


Gerbil?


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## Supernaut88 (Mar 1, 2009)

grapesmuggler27 said:


> I've been known to come home without a sock top once or twice...


Yeah, or a few t shirt sleeves. lol


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## Supernaut88 (Mar 1, 2009)

MOC said:


> I have to take a dump every morning. I’m as regular as the day is long. I knew I was in trouble one day two seasons ago when my usual “me time” didn’t occur after I woke up. I had a couple cups of coffee in the truck on my way to the woods, and of course this doesn’t help. I got suited up and began the long walk in. About halfway in, I felt a familiar tingling in my gut and I knew I might be in trouble. However, I attempted to control it by ignoring it. For the record, you cannot will a poop away. I continued to treat my upcoming morning delight much the same way as your government treats the federal deficit – just ignore it and hope it goes away.
> 
> Got to my stand, climbed up and waited for daylight. By this time I was breaking a brow sweat. We’ve all experienced this particular brow sweat, and it usually occurs just as you’re reaching Defcon 5 and are trapped behind the wheel of your vehicle in a traffic jam somewhere. I continued to choose to ignore the obvious gastrointestinal jihad that was brewing in my shorts, as the magic moment of daybreak was about to occur. By this time, my brow sweat had evolved into a full body sweat, and I judged myself to be 90% effaced. Unsnapping my fall protection harness, I did my best impression of the 82nd Airbourne division on my way down the tree, following by a record-breaking sprint as far away from my stand as biology would allow.
> 
> ...


I always say that the E.P.A. probably has been investigating my "spots" after I leave 'em. I always imagine that nothing would grow near them for a 2 mile radius. Google Earth satellite photos have revealed large dead areas in the middle of the woods.


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## dmr (Sep 9, 2009)

My father-in-law was hunting the late archery season a few years ago when he realized that he could no longer hold it. His camo suit was a one-piece, so the whole thing had to come off. He said it was freezing cold and windy, and all he was thinking about was getting finished as soon as possible so he could get back in his suit. Unfortunately, he didn't realize that his hood was in the line-of-fire, and it caught his entire load. In a rush to get warm, he pulled up his suit and threw on the hood. That's when he felt the "warm wet logs" against the back of his neck, and before he realized what happened they had already rolled all the way down his back.


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## MasterBlaster (Apr 13, 2005)

dmr said:


> My father-in-law was hunting the late archery season a few years ago when he realized that he could no longer hold it. His camo suit was a one-piece, so the whole thing had to come off. He said it was freezing cold and windy, and all he was thinking about was getting finished as soon as possible so he could get back in his suit. Unfortunately, he didn't realize that his hood was in the line-of-fire, and it caught his entire load. In a rush to get warm, he pulled up his suit and threw on the hood. That's when he felt the "warm wet logs" against the back of his neck, and before he realized what happened they had already rolled all the way down his back.


Epic fail!


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## madsammer (Nov 21, 2008)

holy hell this thread is still goin on.:mg:


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## deer2fowl (Jul 6, 2008)

Went on a hunting trip last year and met a guy from Arkansas and he told a story one night at camp. While freezing on stand one afternoon, he felt the infamous stomach rumble start to take place. Not wanting to get down out of the tree he drops trowsers and assumes the position grabs his plastic baggie and centers it up for the load. At this point he stressed the importance of being able to blow a fart adequate enough to allow the baggie to fully open before dropping the bomb. After the clean up process is taken care of he zips the baggie up and tells of how well it works as a handwarmer. 
This same fellar told of the time that he watched a hot doe run across the ridge opposite him and saw several nice bucks follow her path minutes apart from one another. After he realized that they kept runnning that ridge, he decides to get down and move locations to allow him a shot at the next one that came through. Once down to the ground, he squatted and let it fly wiped himself up grabbed his stand and equipment and headed for the next ridge. Now that he is all settled in the stand again he looks over to location that he had just abandoned only to see a mature buck cruising under the tree he was in. The buck stops at the fresh steaming pile, sniffs around on it and then proceeds with toilet paper dangling from his hoof. Just goes to show that deer must not be affected by human poo. I by no means done this story any justice, but to hear the old timer tell it would make your face hurt from laughing so much.


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## quackshack (Nov 7, 2009)

slamnationalley said:


> answer your question! Doesn't seem to bother this guy!


where did u find that????????? I soooooo want one!!!!!!!!!!!


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## Dsmall (Aug 1, 2010)

Just this morning my buddy and I met up at our parking spot on the lease, we have a few cups of coffee while we are getting ready and our last smoke before heading to the stand. The whole time he is just letting them rip one after another, finaly I asked him if he felt better and even made a joke about him scaring the deer away. After we got all dressed and grabbed our bows, he performed the classic lift one leg and let another one fly. Only this time his proud smile turned into that unmistakable oh shat look, I instantly knew what happened and about busted a gut right there. He looks at me and simply said looks like my day is ruined, gets into his car and leaves the whole time I am just uncontrollably laughing. Later in the morning I get a text from him that says "Clothes are in the washer Ill be back for the evening hunt" I just wish some of our other buddies would have been there for this epic event, he is one of those guys that just lets em fly no matter where he is or who he is around so it couldent happen to a better guy.


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## Twitch (Oct 14, 2007)

muskalungee said:


> Gerbil?



:chortle:


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## pastorsteve (Apr 11, 2006)

God's Crowning Jewel: Humanity... 

I wonder what our creator must be thinking right now? "I created this?" I bet He is laughing just as hard as I have been!


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## Babooze (Jan 5, 2008)

wingmastr23 said:


> A buddy of mine and I hunt together all the time..(filming etc) So one Sunday morning we hike into our spot - he is climbing a tree beside me using a climber (a twin oak tree) and I am also climbing with a climber........It is still pitch black, the woods are ultra quiet, and we are in stealth mode as we move up the trees.
> 
> We both are about 20' in the air - and I hear him say..."Uh-oh!"......and all of a sudden, there was a severe lack of desire on his part to be "quiet".....he starts moving down the tree with reckless abandon! His stand is making enough noise to wake every animal within a mile of us.
> 
> ...


:icon_1_lol::icon_1_lol: OMG That is FUNNY!


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## bandit69 (Mar 20, 2008)

Edge 1 said:


> This is why I have a diet consisting only of CORN during deer season. (Would that be considered baiting?)


Now that is funny!!!!!!!!


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## little buddy (Dec 20, 2004)

My friend tells the funniest story. Years back he had some rumblings in his belly, nature was calling and now! It was on his way to the stand in the dark of the am. He did manage to walk far from the trail he would have to walk on the way out just to be safe to not get a bootfull. After he took care of his business he settled in for his all day hunt and as luck would have it he managed to shoot a great buck that late afternoon. After climbing down and recovering his buck he started the drag toward the road in the now dark woods. When he finally makes it to the road he smells an unmistakable aroma of human waste. Not only did he find his own pile of nasty he managed to drag his deer through it as well!


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## Oceantoad1 (Sep 5, 2009)

I had this thread open all day while cleaning our computer room. I was laughing my ***** off most of the day. You think you're the only one until you read everyone else's posts. Great stuff! I don't have one hunting story to tell about this topic, I've been serving our country until 3 years ago when I retired and got back into hunting. I have however come back from jogging plenty a morning with just one sock. I was always thankful I didn't have athletes foot.
My dad and uncle tell a story of when they were out fishing up north by the cabin in Michigan. Dad had to go real bad. He's the type of person who loves to use his own facilities whenever possible. Even when their 45 min from the cabin. His younger brother obliges and they make off for the cabin. About 20 min in to the trip Dad says he can't wait any longer. He's got to go and has got to go now. He made my uncle stop along some dirt back road close to a bridge. His plan was to go under the bridge and cop a squat there. The issue now what to wipe with. Uncle Jim reached back in the gear and said all I have is this folding map of Michigan. The joke was on my dad when this story was repeated for some reason around a camp out with a bunch of friends and families attending the nightly campfire. While telling the story my uncle added the fact that my dad was the only person he knew that wiped his ***** from Detroit all the way up to Sault St. Marie. The next year at the camp out they didn't forget. While my parents were at the campfire one night, someone had papered the whole side of my parents RV with maps of Michigan. They all got a kick out of the story again.


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## mba2010 (Aug 8, 2010)

i just let out some corn can i use it for bait


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## jwcatto (Jul 27, 2006)

Thanks guys, I needed this on a monday morning. 

Friggin Hilarious.


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## hunt1up (Sep 4, 2009)

Nothin like holding your bumper at 5 AM with the snow flyin. BBRRRRR...

Hunting tip #1--Carry TP in your truck/pack/pocket.


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## spoco57 (Aug 31, 2005)

bunker said:


> ever had to drop a deuce while in a rowboat... i did. I ended up jumping in lake, it was summer, pulled down shorts, did my deed in water, and ten minutes later after going it started to drift by my brother in law and i while fishing... we laughed so hard we almost dumped the boat. Bunker


Just a thought: throw back the brown trout. 

This thread makes me think that there's a niche market open to the man who puts those rear panel openings back in the hunting coveralls. Those things that the old timers had on their longjohns..... you know, like an emergency door on an airplane. You could even fancy it up with the inflatable slide ramp to get the "occupants" away from the "mother ship".


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## Ib4Hoyt (Jan 19, 2004)

hunt1up said:


> Nothin like holding your bumper at 5 AM with the snow flyin. BBRRRRR...
> 
> Hunting tip #1--Carry TP in your truck/pack/pocket.


yeah wiping your butt with a hand full of snow is a eye opener :eek2: :bartstush:


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## bballou (Jul 16, 2010)

muskalungee said:


> gerbil?


thats just wrong man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## ballison90 (Sep 27, 2010)

man I have taken my fair share of deuces in the woods and some of them in emergency situations but i never went in my clothing and i always have TP. But this is thi kind of thing that makes hunting so fun, the camaradery. It may not have been the most fun day in your life, but its one youll not soon forget.


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## BowtechKicks (May 11, 2007)

ozzz said:


> 1. Would deer be spooky around this area?
> 
> 2. How long would it take for them to forget about it?
> 
> Discuss




Don't know about you, but I did there wouldn't be any more deer or woods. Just a mushroom cloud.


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## Garceau (Sep 3, 2010)

OK...not exactly hunting related but archery related.

Back in the late 90s I was shooting alot of 3D tourneys. I was in my young 20s which meant most evenings involved alot of bad food and even more cheap beer. I go do one shoot and I get the guts rolling about half way though. But I perserve, but the club house doent have much for facilities and figure I will just stop at the gas station down the road. I had planned to go shoot another tourney right afterwards. I run into the convenience store and run to the bathroom. Im in panic mode now. I mean full blown panic attack.

I get on the toilet and its not pretty and nothing good is about to come from this. Its just never ending, all the courtesy flushes in the world arent helping and its even making me sick but its not stopping.

All this time a kid of about 8-10 is pounding on the door saying "hey mister hurry up, I really gotta go bad" I feel bad for the kid, but I cannot rush this process this is bigger than me. He keeps coming in and pounding on the door, Im about passed out by this point but I keep pushing on literally.

Every time he comes in I can see his shoes under the stall and he really is struggling, he looks like Mr. BoJangles, his feet are all over the place tap dancing I am trying but I cannot force this any further. I finally complete and oh no, the toilet is clogged. I have to clean up and its still clogged. I figure there is nothing I can do about it....

I figure Im going to have to make a mad dash for the door at this point, I go out the door and the kid says "hey its about time" I just shake my head. 

Im about 4 steps out the door when I hear him scream in horror...."OH gross" then starts yelling, hey dad, hey dad....I figure Im going to look like I just beat the kid up or something but I cannot stop. I bust out the door and into my car. I get about 3 miles down the road and die laughing. That poor kid, he I am sure is still in therapy for it.

On a side note I won the next 3D tourney by a considerable margin.....LOL


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## maxxis man (Apr 3, 2010)

Here is a recent addition to the holy crap forum. October 13th Me and Grandpa head for the woods around 4:00pm. We stayed up late the night before drink to many beers and had way to much chili. 6:00pm I see a 70 year old man 300 yards away doing a sprint heading for the house who is already half undressed. I think he shot a deer or is hurt so I get down and head for the house. As I round the corner of the pole barn there he is butt naked with crappy undies and pants standing there with the hose cleaning up. I laughed so hard I about crapped my pants.
Now here is my misfortune. October 16th again to much beer and unhealthy food the night before. I wake up early and can't take care of business so I get dressed and head out. At 6:30am it hits me so I deny it and fight it off. 7:00am there is no denying it any longer. Clothes start flying as I basically jump from my stand hitting about 3 steps. I run maybe 20 feet and unload. It looked like a truck had spun out in the mud and coved a tree and my main runway coming from the swamp. I climb back in a laugh for a while because I know in about 3 hours my grandpa will be coming down that runway on the way out of the woods. When he arrives I can barely contain myself. He walks up and looks up at me only feet away from my masterpiece. He then smells it and sees it there. He said what and the hell did that. I about fell out of the stand. He then figured out it was me.


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## mn5503 (Feb 21, 2006)

Over 4,200 views about taking a dump in the woods. lol


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## SogManorSlayer (Aug 18, 2009)

cityhunter346 said:


> I dropped a deuce right over the rail of my Summit viper once.


Now, that's funny!!


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## HUNTorFISH (Jul 25, 2009)

freind of mine was out during gun season, snow covered ground and was walking through the woods on public land when mother nature hit him. he had no TP and there was a creek nearby so for what ever reason he thought that squatting in the creek was his best idea. so he ran to the creek pulled down his pants and had the beer craps explode. then he decided to splash water up since he had no TP and clean that way. as he is pulling up his pants he looks up and there is a hunter in his bright orange up in a tree about 50 yds away that watched the whole thing! can't imagine the story he told all of his freinds of what he seen first thing in the morning! lol


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## Mike Trump (Sep 3, 2004)

cityhunter346 said:


> I dropped a deuce right over the rail of my Summit viper once.


When I read this I laughed out loud. Not so much for the mental picture I had of some guy with his bare arse hanging over the top rail crop dusting the woods with his trouser chili, but instead it was the mental picture of the sound those corn-backed rattlers had to have made hitting the ground some 20 feet below...


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## MasterBlaster (Apr 13, 2005)

Good stuff. Keep it coming.


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## 2robinhood (Dec 13, 2009)

I shot my biggest buck to date while standing up from taking a crap.


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## KickerPoint79 (Jan 18, 2006)

I think I'll print this whole thread and go sit on the john for a while.


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## Dakota79 (Oct 28, 2007)

I went to Bunnings Hardware store recently while not being altogether sure that course of action was a wise one. You see, the previous evening I had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented 'you're definitely going to **** yourself' road-kill chilli. Tasty stuff, albeit hot to the point of being painful, which comes with a written guarantee from me that if you eat it, the next day both of your butt cheeks WILL fall off. 

Here's the thing. I had awakened that morning, and even after two cups of coffee (and all of you know what I mean) nothing happened. No 'Watson's Movement 2'. Despite habanera peppers swimming their way through my intestinal tract, I was unable to create the usual morning symphony referred to by my dear wife as 'thunder and lightning'.


Knowing that a time of reckoning HAD to come, yet not sure of just when, I bravely set off for Bunnings Hardware store, my quest being paint and supplies to refinish the den. Upon entering the store at first all seemed normal. I selected a cart and began pushing it about dropping items in for purchase. It wasn't until I was at the opposite end of the store from the toilets that the pain hit me.

Oh, don't look at me like you don't know what I'm talking about. I'm referring to that 'Uh, Oh, Sh1t, gotta go' pain that always seems to hit us at the wrong time..

The thing is, this pain was different. The habaneras in the chilli from the night before were staging a revolt.

In a mad rush for freedom they bullied their way through the small intestines, forcing their way into the large intestines, and before I could take one step in the direction of the toilets which would bring sweet relief, it happened. The peppers fired a warning shot. 

There I stood, alone in the paint and stain section, suddenly enveloped in a noxious cloud the likes of which has never before been recorded. I was afraid to move for fear that more of this vile odor might escape me. 

Slowly, oh so slowly, the pressure seemed to leave the lower part of my body, and I began to move up the aisle and out of it, just as a red aproned clerk turned the corner and asked if I needed any help.

I don't know what made me do it, but I stopped to see what his reaction would be to the malodorous effluvium that refused to dissipate.. Have you ever been torn in two different directions emotionally? Here's what I mean, and I'm sure some of you at least will be able to relate.

I could've warned that poor clerk, but didn't. I simply watched as he walked into an invisible, and apparently indestructible, wall of odor so terrible that all he could do before gathering his senses and running, was to stand there blinking and waving his arms about his head as though trying to ward off angry bees. 

This, of course, made me feel terrible, but then made me laugh. Laughing .......BIG mistake!!!!! 

Here's the thing. When you laugh, it's hard to keep things 'clamped down', if you know what I mean. With each new guffaw an explosive issue burst forth from my nether region. Some were so loud and echoing that I was later told a few folks in other aisles had ducked, fearing that someone was robbing the store and firing off a shotgun. 

Suddenly things were no longer funny. 'It' was coming, and I raced off through the store towards the toilets, laying down a noxious cloud the whole way, praying that I'd make it before the grand mal assplosion took place.


Luck was on my side. Just in the nick of time I got to the john, began the inevitable 'Oh my God', floating above the toilet seat because my ass is burning SO BAD, purging. One poor fellow walked in while I was in the middle of what is the true meaning of 'Shock and Awe'. 
He made a gagging sound, and disgustedly said, 'Son-of-a-*****!, did it smell that bad when you ate it?', then quickly left.


Once finished and I left the toilet, reacquired my partially filled cart intending to carry on with my shopping when a store employee approached me and said, 'Sir, you might want to step outside for a few minutes. It appears some prankster set off a stink bomb in the store. The manager is going to run the vent fans on high for a minute or two which ought to take care of the problem.'


My smirking of course set me off again, causing residual gases to escape me. The employee took one sniff, jumped back pulling his shirt up to cover his nose and, pointing at me in an accusing manner shouted, 'IT'S YOU!', then ran off returning moments later with the manager. I was unceremoniously escorted from the premises and asked none too kindly not to return. 

Home again without my supplies, I realized that there was nothing to eat but leftover chilli, so I consumed two more bowls. Razz The next day I went to shop at Woolworths Supermarket. I can't say anymore about that because we are in court over the whole matter.


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## Mike Trump (Sep 3, 2004)

Dakota79 said:


> I went to Bunnings Hardware store recently while not being altogether sure that course of action was a wise one. You see, the previous evening I had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented 'you're definitely going to **** yourself' road-kill chilli. Tasty stuff, albeit hot to the point of being painful, which comes with a written guarantee from me that if you eat it, the next day both of your butt cheeks WILL fall off.
> 
> Here's the thing. I had awakened that morning, and even after two cups of coffee (and all of you know what I mean) nothing happened. No 'Watson's Movement 2'. Despite habanera peppers swimming their way through my intestinal tract, I was unable to create the usual morning symphony referred to by my dear wife as 'thunder and lightning'.
> 
> ...


I'm crying. I haven't laughed so hard in a VERY long time. Archery Talk post of the YEAR!!!!!!!!!!! :chortle: :chortle: :chortle:


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## Stab (Jun 25, 2009)

Dakota79 said:


> I went to Bunnings Hardware store recently while not being altogether sure that course of action was a wise one. You see, the previous evening I had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented 'you're definitely going to **** yourself' road-kill chilli. Tasty stuff, albeit hot to the point of being painful, which comes with a written guarantee from me that if you eat it, the next day both of your butt cheeks WILL fall off.
> 
> Here's the thing. I had awakened that morning, and even after two cups of coffee (and all of you know what I mean) nothing happened. No 'Watson's Movement 2'. Despite habanera peppers swimming their way through my intestinal tract, I was unable to create the usual morning symphony referred to by my dear wife as 'thunder and lightning'.
> 
> ...


I just laughed so hard I sharted!!!!!!


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## Mike Trump (Sep 3, 2004)

Stab said:


> I just laughed so hard I sharted!!!!!!


me too!!!


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## Hawgfan (Sep 9, 2009)

MOC said:


> I have to take a dump every morning. I’m as regular as the day is long. I knew I was in trouble one day two seasons ago when my usual “me time” didn’t occur after I woke up. I had a couple cups of coffee in the truck on my way to the woods, and of course this doesn’t help. I got suited up and began the long walk in. About halfway in, I felt a familiar tingling in my gut and I knew I might be in trouble. However, I attempted to control it by ignoring it. For the record, you cannot will a poop away. I continued to treat my upcoming morning delight much the same way as your government treats the federal deficit – just ignore it and hope it goes away.
> 
> Got to my stand, climbed up and waited for daylight. By this time I was breaking a brow sweat. We’ve all experienced this particular brow sweat, and it usually occurs just as you’re reaching Defcon 5 and are trapped behind the wheel of your vehicle in a traffic jam somewhere. I continued to choose to ignore the obvious gastrointestinal jihad that was brewing in my shorts, as the magic moment of daybreak was about to occur. By this time, my brow sweat had evolved into a full body sweat, and I judged myself to be 90% effaced. Unsnapping my fall protection harness, I did my best impression of the 82nd Airbourne division on my way down the tree, following by a record-breaking sprint as far away from my stand as biology would allow.
> 
> ...


This is BY FAR the funniest post I have ever read!  Me and my wife are crying trying to read it....


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## Liv4Rut (Mar 24, 2006)

A few years back I was heading down to the farm with two of my buddies for a hunt. From the moment I stepped out the door I knew the morning wouldn't be good. My stomach was rolling but I didn't want to be late. After about 20 miles, the pains started gettting really bad to the point I couldn't even talk anymore. The cold sweats were starting to roll down my forehead. Only 5 more minutes and I would be at a gas station. Relief in only a few minutes. To my suprise, the gas station was closed and the next one was 10 miles down the road. About 3 miles before the town I was now in a full out sweat, I was puckering so tight I was arching my back and my butt wasn't even on the seat anymore. My buddies looked over and were like *** is wrong with you. I finally said, I can't make it, I GOTTA S**t. They busted up laughing as I jumped out of the truck, swung open the crew cab back door, flung my buddy out of the way, folded up the seat and grabbed a roll of paper towels.

Clenching the whole way down the steep ditch taking baby steps trying not to crap myself, I finally made it. Fumbling around frantically I finally get in position when it happens. A car is coming slowly behind us. No biggie, I am down in the ditch he can't see me. All the sudden the cop lights come on and he pulls up behind me. OH SH*T, I gotta go. Screw it I am going. As my intestines unloaded all I could do was look at the top of the cop car and try to figure out what I am going to say or if it is even legal to take a poo in the ditch. I figured great, he is going to make me pick up my crappy paper or give me a ticket for littering.

To my suprise, he just left without getting out. I walked up the truck and I had left the roll of Paper Towels on my bumper. I guess he figured it out. Man was I nervous!!!


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## KYchessie (Aug 23, 2006)

cw118744 said:


> I always wear jersey gloves. They make a nice back up for TP. Just watch out for ur huntin buddy carryin the glove back to the truck in the next few weeks askin if you lost it like my huntin buddy did once.


I have a buddy with the same story, except he used a facemask and the guy he took turkey hunting a couple of weeks later showed up at the truck at the end of the hunt wearing it.


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## roscoe221 (Aug 7, 2009)

I was hunting up in Pope county one time on some ground I own that butts up to public ground. I went for a stroll though the public ground just to see what was out there. It was kinda wet and I was movin slow and kinda snuck up on a guy that was out there hunting. I was about 50 yards away before I noticed him. He was in a hang on and had his pants off of one leg completely and was up there monkeyin around. I just kinda stood behind some scrub brush in awe trying to figure out what he was doing. He then puts his legs on the tree side of the cables and grabs onto the seat post and hangs his ass of the front just far enough to get the exit port off. Then he kinda pulls his cheeks apart and wiggles around some and commences to start droppin a bomb. After a solid turd he starts gruntin so loud had to hold my jacket over my face cause I just couldnt hold in the laughter. Then he lets loose this downpour of green apple splatters just gruntin so loud I couldnt hold the laughter in anymore. I was just bustin up laughin and he turns and looks and looks at me with the redest face I have ever seen. I was almost rolling on the ground I was laughin so hard. I was ready for him to start cussin me for bein there but in the most serious voice I have ever heard he just says "man im sick, is there any chance that you have anything I can wipe with". I had some shop towels in my pack so I tied a knot of them onto his bow rope and he pulled them up and wiped his ass. Then he gets down from the stand and tried several times to pay me 20 bucks for the towels, of course I wouldnt take his money. I ended up walking back to his truck with him and we talked huntin for a while. He turned out to be a really nice guy who had a few too many Budweisers the night before and was sick as a dog.

Edit: Actually this was in Alabama, just remembered.


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## BowHuntnRedneck (Oct 5, 2006)

KYchessie said:


> I have a buddy with the same story, except he used a facemask and the guy he took turkey hunting a couple of weeks later showed up at the truck at the end of the hunt wearing it.


Yup i just puked on my laptop.


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## mrfirebird73 (Aug 18, 2006)

MOC said:


> I have to take a dump every morning. I’m as regular as the day is long. I knew I was in trouble one day two seasons ago when my usual “me time” didn’t occur after I woke up. I had a couple cups of coffee in the truck on my way to the woods, and of course this doesn’t help. I got suited up and began the long walk in. About halfway in, I felt a familiar tingling in my gut and I knew I might be in trouble. However, I attempted to control it by ignoring it. For the record, you cannot will a poop away. I continued to treat my upcoming morning delight much the same way as your government treats the federal deficit – just ignore it and hope it goes away.
> 
> Got to my stand, climbed up and waited for daylight. By this time I was breaking a brow sweat. We’ve all experienced this particular brow sweat, and it usually occurs just as you’re reaching Defcon 5 and are trapped behind the wheel of your vehicle in a traffic jam somewhere. I continued to choose to ignore the obvious gastrointestinal jihad that was brewing in my shorts, as the magic moment of daybreak was about to occur. By this time, my brow sweat had evolved into a full body sweat, and I judged myself to be 90% effaced. Unsnapping my fall protection harness, I did my best impression of the 82nd Airbourne division on my way down the tree, following by a record-breaking sprint as far away from my stand as biology would allow.
> 
> ...


That is too funny :icon_1_lol::icon_1_lol:


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## Garceau (Sep 3, 2010)

TTT damn this has slid back, been my morning read on vacation all week.


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## grinderMatt_PA (Mar 12, 2003)

I remember vividly about having the gurgling, rumbling pains that i felt one evening on the first day of PA bow season over 15 years ago. I was sitting in my summit saber when this feeling came over me. And it wasnt like the usual "feeling" you get when you've got a few butt nuggets waiting behind door number 2. This was much more catastrophic feeling and took every muscle in my body to hold back so i could shimmy my arms out of the one piece suit i had on and pull the top half between my legs and in front of me so i could pivot the bomb bay doors away from my platform. the second i swung to the side it all came out with a single airwaffle meanwhile spraying a substance that appeared like honey dijon mustard and guacamole. I was relieved and astounded at the area it covered once it came to rest below me. This all happened in a matter of seconds. It didnt take long for the smell to permeate the surrounding area and steam slowly lifted for quite a while. After I gathered my freeballin self minus my good luck bud boxers i sat with bow in hand thinking surely my hunt was over. About 45 minutes later I arrowed a small antlered buck at 15 yards. The buck made me chuckle to myself as he looked at the base of the tree then up at me while i was motionless and well concealed. He repeated this motion about 4 times as if to say "dude, seriously. i know you're in camo but that dont hide that nasty fudgebucket you just dropped!" So with all that said, I dont think you should frown, just keep bearin' down.


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## kjrice (Jun 8, 2009)

T-head125 said:


> A guy who I hunted with... pooped in a big mouth pepsi bottle... picture that for a second


You won't find me shaking his hand.


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## kjrice (Jun 8, 2009)

That is why I like to sprinkle C'mere Deer on my oatmeal in the morning.


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## jim p (Oct 29, 2003)

Have you ever noticed how hard it is to get your pants down when you are wearing a safety harness. Now you know why some don't wear a harness. And all this time you just thought that they were stupid. Now is the time for someone to design the quick disconnect harness for dropping your pants.

It took me 10 minutes to read the story about the hardware adventure. It is hard to read with your eyes full of tears. I used to have bad gas problems and I would often send a loaded elevator on its way and then listen for the gasps. You can just imagine what would happen with two or more people stepped into the elevator and there was no escape until the next floor.


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## camotoe (Sep 19, 2006)

Be sure to wash your hands before you field dress the rascal.


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## MOC (Jul 4, 2003)

muskalungee said:


> Gerbil?


I don't want to talk about it.


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## pernluc (Jun 18, 2006)

I had a friend two years ago that got out of his stand pulled down his coveralls, took a dump and crawled back up his tree only to realize that he crapped in the neck of his coveralls. Yuck.


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## wingmastr23 (Sep 10, 2010)

Dakota79 said:


> I went to Bunnings Hardware store recently while not being altogether sure that course of action was a wise one. You see, the previous evening I had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented 'you're definitely going to **** yourself' road-kill chilli. Tasty stuff, albeit hot to the point of being painful, which comes with a written guarantee from me that if you eat it, the next day both of your butt cheeks WILL fall off.
> 
> Here's the thing. I had awakened that morning, and even after two cups of coffee (and all of you know what I mean) nothing happened. No 'Watson's Movement 2'. Despite habanera peppers swimming their way through my intestinal tract, I was unable to create the usual morning symphony referred to by my dear wife as 'thunder and lightning'.
> 
> ...


Dude....I don't even care if this is true......I am crying at my desk right now....trying not to laugh too loud...Hysterical!!!!


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## wingmastr23 (Sep 10, 2010)

kjrice said:


> That is why I like to sprinkle C'mere Deer on my oatmeal in the morning.


LMAO!!!!! I am dying right now.....funny stuff!


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## WesternMAHunter (Sep 2, 2005)

i had to go very badly a few years back.. only make it about 12 yards from stand in dark before I couldn't take it anymore... had to do what I had to do...
Shot a buck 2 hours later that stopped to take a sniff. I could still see steam.. not sure what really killed him!!!! lol


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## WesternMAHunter (Sep 2, 2005)

mrfirebird73 said:


> That is too funny :icon_1_lol::icon_1_lol:


too funny!


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## kerrye (Sep 1, 2010)

Quote Originally Posted by T-head125 View Post
A guy who I hunted with... pooped in a big mouth pepsi bottle... picture that for a second

Maybe he screwed that bottle in.:angel:


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## kerrye (Sep 1, 2010)

This thread has been an absolutely hilarious way to spend an afternoon. I have to tell you about a book I have. Author: Kathleen Meyer, Title: How To **** In The Woods, Publisher: Ten Speed Press
It treats the subject in a little more genteel manner, but you'll get the same kind of side aches reading it.:teeth:


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## RackAssasin (Oct 18, 2010)

MOC said:


> I have to take a dump every morning. I’m as regular as the day is long. I knew I was in trouble one day two seasons ago when my usual “me time” didn’t occur after I woke up. I had a couple cups of coffee in the truck on my way to the woods, and of course this doesn’t help. I got suited up and began the long walk in. About halfway in, I felt a familiar tingling in my gut and I knew I might be in trouble. However, I attempted to control it by ignoring it. For the record, you cannot will a poop away. I continued to treat my upcoming morning delight much the same way as your government treats the federal deficit – just ignore it and hope it goes away.
> 
> Got to my stand, climbed up and waited for daylight. By this time I was breaking a brow sweat. We’ve all experienced this particular brow sweat, and it usually occurs just as you’re reaching Defcon 5 and are trapped behind the wheel of your vehicle in a traffic jam somewhere. I continued to choose to ignore the obvious gastrointestinal jihad that was brewing in my shorts, as the magic moment of daybreak was about to occur. By this time, my brow sweat had evolved into a full body sweat, and I judged myself to be 90% effaced. Unsnapping my fall protection harness, I did my best impression of the 82nd Airbourne division on my way down the tree, following by a record-breaking sprint as far away from my stand as biology would allow.
> 
> ...



funniest post i have ever read.. Well done sir.


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## wconn1979 (Oct 3, 2010)

the hardware store story has been makeing the trips around the email circuit for the last 2 years but its still funny!


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## RackAssasin (Oct 18, 2010)

i have yet to have this happen to me. Im serious, my intestines know when it is an opportune moment to drop groceries or not. AND, certain places i go make me have to poo more than others. For instance, i go somewhere different for the weekend, its possible i wont poop at all. Basic training, i didnt poop for 6 1/2 weeks, I go to Lowes, (im a contractor, im at lowes at least 7 times a day), i always poop the first time im there of the day, when i go to my parents house: Poop, I go fishing on the boat, i never have to deuce it up, if i spend more than 30 min at my office, sharting commences, so on and so on. My stomach has its own research team that does its bidding.


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## RackAssasin (Oct 18, 2010)

Funny story...

My buddy shane worked at the local pizza hut here and he had a misfortunate thing happen to him. About 30 min before closing time one night, he had to "go" somewhat urgently. He ran to his boss, holding himself saying "Ive got to go to the bathroom NOW!" The boss basically looked at him weird for even feeling the need to tell him and said "ok? then go?" Shane dashed off to the bath room like he had polio and the vaccine was in one of the bathroom stalls. Well, closing time came and went. As the employees were cleaning up, they wondered where shane had gone. Nobody had seen him since he ran a 4.50 40 yard sprint to the bathroom. Finally, Shane came hobbling out of the bathroom and told his boss, "ive got to go home, ive got to go home" and he left. Well, when the unlucky sap that had to clean the bathroom made his way through the door, he saw a sight he will never forget. When he approached the first stall, he noticed the toilet paper despencer was lying on the floor, a blood trail making its way up to the toilet, and a 1-2" flap of skin on the seat. As he dared to gaze into the toilet, he sees a baseball sized, corn filled fudge monkey... accompanied by more skin. Dear Shane had completely blown out his brown eye. Oooooohh, Shane... He ended up going to the ER, and getting his squeejum surgically replaced. Needless to say, he was hooked up to a poop sack for quite some time. Imagine having to walk around highschool with a sack of **** hanging on you and EVERYONE knowing you have a brand new turd cutter.


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## montona78 (Feb 20, 2009)

T-head125 said:


> A guy who I hunted with... pooped in a big mouth pepsi bottle... picture that for a second


He must of stuck it in his star!!! lol. No way he is that accurate. I have a story but its not hunting related unless you consider him to be in rut. When we were younger my friend met this chick and he went to her house to get it on. He wasnt supposed to be there. They were upstairs and the parents come home and he has to drop it like its hot! lol. The girl wouldnt let him out of the room so he grabs a glass on night stand and goes into the closet and does the biz and brings it back out. It wasnt a walk in closet either! What the f!!! How the f!!!


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## BowHuntnRedneck (Oct 5, 2006)

RackAssasin said:


> Funny story...
> 
> My buddy shane worked at the local pizza hut here and he had a misfortunate thing happen to him. About 30 min before closing time one night, he had to "go" somewhat urgently. He ran to his boss, holding himself saying "Ive got to go to the bathroom NOW!" The boss basically looked at him weird for even feeling the need to tell him and said "ok? then go?" Shane dashed off to the bath room like he had polio and the vaccine was in one of the bathroom stalls. Well, closing time came and went. As the employees were cleaning up, they wondered where shane had gone. Nobody had seen him since he ran a 4.50 40 yard sprint to the bathroom. Finally, Shane came hobbling out of the bathroom and told his boss, "ive got to go home, ive got to go home" and he left. Well, when the unlucky sap that had to clean the bathroom made his way through the door, he saw a sight he will never forget. When he approached the first stall, he noticed the toilet paper despencer was lying on the floor, a blood trail making its way up to the toilet, and a 1-2" flap of skin on the seat. As he dared to gaze into the toilet, he sees a baseball sized, corn filled fudge monkey... accompanied by more skin. Dear Shane had completely blown out his brown eye. Oooooohh, Shane... He ended up going to the ER, and getting his squeejum surgically replaced. Needless to say, he was hooked up to a poop sack for quite some time. Imagine having to walk around highschool with a sack of **** hanging on you and EVERYONE knowing you have a brand new turd cutter.


Wow i feel sorry that guy.


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## MasterBlaster (Apr 13, 2005)

RackAssasin said:


> Funny story...
> 
> My buddy shane worked at the local pizza hut here and he had a misfortunate thing happen to him. About 30 min before closing time one night, he had to "go" somewhat urgently. He ran to his boss, holding himself saying "Ive got to go to the bathroom NOW!" The boss basically looked at him weird for even feeling the need to tell him and said "ok? then go?" Shane dashed off to the bath room like he had polio and the vaccine was in one of the bathroom stalls. Well, closing time came and went. As the employees were cleaning up, they wondered where shane had gone. Nobody had seen him since he ran a 4.50 40 yard sprint to the bathroom. Finally, Shane came hobbling out of the bathroom and told his boss, "ive got to go home, ive got to go home" and he left. Well, when the unlucky sap that had to clean the bathroom made his way through the door, he saw a sight he will never forget. When he approached the first stall, he noticed the toilet paper despencer was lying on the floor, a blood trail making its way up to the toilet, and a 1-2" flap of skin on the seat. As he dared to gaze into the toilet, he sees a baseball sized, corn filled fudge monkey... accompanied by more skin. Dear Shane had completely blown out his brown eye. Oooooohh, Shane... He ended up going to the ER, and getting his squeejum surgically replaced. Needless to say, he was hooked up to a poop sack for quite some time. Imagine having to walk around highschool with a sack of **** hanging on you and EVERYONE knowing you have a brand new turd cutter.


If this is true it's not remotely funny to me. This has been a hilarious thread until this post. Not trying to sound like a punk or anything but it screwed up to call this funny. 


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## BOWdacious1 (Dec 12, 2009)

These are by far some of the funniest posts I've ever read. I have been laughing so hard I'm now crying. Thanks everyone cause I needed some good laughs today, and I will be coming back to these posts again and again whenever I need a pick me up laugh. :set1_rolf2:


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## racknspur (Jan 24, 2007)

Edge 1 said:


> This is why I have a diet consisting only of CORN during deer season. (Would that be considered baiting?)



You must not have much time to hunt with all that poopin' going on! I hope baiting is legal there!


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## crazy wolf (Sep 11, 2006)

I done took a crap once in a 40 acre woodlot just left it there on the ground ... no hole was dug to hide it , and I had no plastic bag to put it in. This woodlot was crawling with wildlife then and now it is just a woodlot , no deer , no birds, no squirrels ect. To this day I still dont know what caused this woodlot to become so vacant of the animals that onced lived there , not even a clue.... No B.S. welll ....... maybe alittle ..



Crazy Wolf.


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## racknspur (Jan 24, 2007)

RackAssasin said:


> funniest post i have ever read.. Well done sir.


Sounds quite familiar! Last year in Illinois I was terrified that my regularity would shurely cost me a monster in the Land of the Giants but not 1 hunt was interupted. In fact I think I only went 3-4 times all week. Three months later I was met w/my first bout of Diverticulitis. There is something to be said for extreme regularity! I now take fiber supplements so I'm sure to go daily, in fact multiple times most days!!!! I know, TMI!


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## nogoodreezen (Jul 20, 2010)

Is this thread still going? I have to admit it is some funny s*** though!


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## Whitetail4ever (Dec 4, 2008)

Unbef***inglievable! LOLOLOLOL!


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## Johnny Deer Man (Aug 20, 2007)

I can say that (to my surpirse) crapping doesn't seem to affect deer. I have done it on a regular basis over the years and once even shot a buck while wiping. I saw that flicker of movement, dropped the TP, and picked up my gun.

I have gone within 50 yards of my blind and still had deer come in. I fact, (no bs true story) once I was in my blind and had a doe looking at me so I farted to see what it would do at the sound. It made the sniffing motion and walked closer where I soon had my first kill with the rage. (and I shot it thru the mesh!)

I have a little device to remember my important gear before I leave my truck - BARRT. It stands for Bow, arrows, release, rangefinder, toilet paper.

Johnny


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## nogoodreezen (Jul 20, 2010)

First I have to say that I am sick and coughing anyway but I just laughed until I coughed so much I puked. Funny stuff.


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## blazeC2 (Jan 11, 2010)

RackAssasin said:


> Funny story...
> 
> My buddy shane worked at the local pizza hut here and he had a misfortunate thing happen to him. About 30 min before closing time one night, he had to "go" somewhat urgently. He ran to his boss, holding himself saying "Ive got to go to the bathroom NOW!" The boss basically looked at him weird for even feeling the need to tell him and said "ok? then go?" Shane dashed off to the bath room like he had polio and the vaccine was in one of the bathroom stalls. Well, closing time came and went. As the employees were cleaning up, they wondered where shane had gone. Nobody had seen him since he ran a 4.50 40 yard sprint to the bathroom. Finally, Shane came hobbling out of the bathroom and told his boss, "ive got to go home, ive got to go home" and he left. Well, when the unlucky sap that had to clean the bathroom made his way through the door, he saw a sight he will never forget. When he approached the first stall, he noticed the toilet paper despencer was lying on the floor, a blood trail making its way up to the toilet, and a 1-2" flap of skin on the seat. As he dared to gaze into the toilet, he sees a baseball sized, corn filled fudge monkey... accompanied by more skin. Dear Shane had completely blown out his brown eye. Oooooohh, Shane... He ended up going to the ER, and getting his squeejum surgically replaced. Needless to say, he was hooked up to a poop sack for quite some time. Imagine having to walk around highschool with a sack of **** hanging on you and EVERYONE knowing you have a brand new turd cutter.


buzzkill


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## KickerPoint79 (Jan 18, 2006)

crazy wolf said:


> I done took a crap once in a 40 acre woodlot just left it there on the ground ... no hole was dug to hide it , and I had no plastic bag to put it in. This woodlot was crawling with wildlife then and now it is just a woodlot , no deer , no birds, no squirrels ect. To this day I still dont know what caused this woodlot to become so vacant of the animals that onced lived there , not even a clue.... No B.S. welll ....... maybe alittle ..
> 
> Crazy Wolf.


Radiation lingers a good while after the initial blast.


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## MasterBlaster (Apr 13, 2005)

Something on crapping in the woods that I don't thnk anyone has said is about safety. One of the few things I learned from hunter safety was to not use white toilet paper while wiping your dookie chute! Try to find some brown paper towes or tp so some idiot doesn't think you are a whitetail deer. It would suck to get shot but would suck worse to get shot while taking a dump!


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## BowHuntnRedneck (Oct 5, 2006)

Johnny Deer Man said:


> I have gone within 50 yards of my blind and still had deer come in. I fact, (no bs true story) once I was in my blind and had a doe looking at me so I farted to see what it would do at the sound. It made the sniffing motion and walked closer where I soon had my first kill with the rage. (and I shot it thru the mesh!)
> 
> Johnny


Too funny....Lol


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## joeneal1986 (Oct 26, 2010)

i got i a couple good stories, i didnt know u could feel ackward dropping a load in the woods until this one time while i was hugging a tree and before i knew it i had a fox not 3 feet behind me trying to figure out what i was leaving on the ground and all the swatting and yelling couldnt get that thing to go it wasnt until i was finished and stood up that it ran off, another good one was when me and a few of my buddies where camoing and my friend went to drop a load using the squat and balance technique so we thought it would be funny to sneak up on him and pull him from behind needless to say he wasnt to happy and he went through alot of paper on that sitting lol


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## bp6469 (Jul 29, 2010)

I cant breathe!


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## solohunter (Feb 22, 2005)

....and there was no one there to smell it, would it still stink?


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## tslabaugh (May 29, 2011)

I just read through this thread...and my stomach is killing me from laughing. Best thread there is!

My hunting buddies know that if we go out before sunrise...we are going to be pulling off somewhere to let me take a crap. Usually every morning, I don't know what it is or how to stop it. lol They keep telling me I should keep one of those toilet seats for the receiver hitch just locked on all the time.


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## EvilBert (Oct 6, 2009)

Ib4Hoyt said:


> not if you used the new scent-loc toilet paper


Ok, now that is funny!


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## sddpse (Mar 28, 2009)

That was absolutely beautiful. Very well written and excellent use of adjectives. Im still laughing, its kinda hard to type......


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## Just One (Mar 13, 2011)

MOC said:


> I have to take a dump every morning. I’m as regular as the day is long. I knew I was in trouble one day two seasons ago when my usual “me time” didn’t occur after I woke up. I had a couple cups of coffee in the truck on my way to the woods, and of course this doesn’t help. I got suited up and began the long walk in. About halfway in, I felt a familiar tingling in my gut and I knew I might be in trouble. However, I attempted to control it by ignoring it. For the record, you cannot will a poop away. I continued to treat my upcoming morning delight much the same way as your government treats the federal deficit – just ignore it and hope it goes away.
> 
> Got to my stand, climbed up and waited for daylight. By this time I was breaking a brow sweat. We’ve all experienced this particular brow sweat, and it usually occurs just as you’re reaching Defcon 5 and are trapped behind the wheel of your vehicle in a traffic jam somewhere. I continued to choose to ignore the obvious gastrointestinal jihad that was brewing in my shorts, as the magic moment of daybreak was about to occur. By this time, my brow sweat had evolved into a full body sweat, and I judged myself to be 90% effaced. Unsnapping my fall protection harness, I did my best impression of the 82nd Airbourne division on my way down the tree, following by a record-breaking sprint as far away from my stand as biology would allow.
> 
> ...


That was the funniest [email protected]%! i've read in a long time! Thank's, it brought tears to my eye's.


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## brandonxc (Jan 21, 2010)

MOC said:


> I have to take a dump every morning. I’m as regular as the day is long. I knew I was in trouble one day two seasons ago when my usual “me time” didn’t occur after I woke up. I had a couple cups of coffee in the truck on my way to the woods, and of course this doesn’t help. I got suited up and began the long walk in. About halfway in, I felt a familiar tingling in my gut and I knew I might be in trouble. However, I attempted to control it by ignoring it. For the record, you cannot will a poop away. I continued to treat my upcoming morning delight much the same way as your government treats the federal deficit – just ignore it and hope it goes away.
> 
> Got to my stand, climbed up and waited for daylight. By this time I was breaking a brow sweat. We’ve all experienced this particular brow sweat, and it usually occurs just as you’re reaching Defcon 5 and are trapped behind the wheel of your vehicle in a traffic jam somewhere. I continued to choose to ignore the obvious gastrointestinal jihad that was brewing in my shorts, as the magic moment of daybreak was about to occur. By this time, my brow sweat had evolved into a full body sweat, and I judged myself to be 90% effaced. Unsnapping my fall protection harness, I did my best impression of the 82nd Airbourne division on my way down the tree, following by a record-breaking sprint as far away from my stand as biology would allow.
> 
> ...


priceless lol


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## Uncle Bucky (Oct 30, 2009)

True story, this year while sitting in my blind listening to the turkeys gobble the urge came upon me. I didn't want to go far away so I crapped right outside the blind by a tree. Sat back in, did not think about the wind, so my luck I crapped and the wind blew it back my way. Made for a long morning, didn't bother the deer they came right by my blind in the wind too !


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## MtsMan (Jun 20, 2011)

MOC said:


> I have to take a dump every morning. I’m as regular as the day is long. I knew I was in trouble one day two seasons ago when my usual “me time” didn’t occur after I woke up. I had a couple cups of coffee in the truck on my way to the woods, and of course this doesn’t help. I got suited up and began the long walk in. About halfway in, I felt a familiar tingling in my gut and I knew I might be in trouble. However, I attempted to control it by ignoring it. For the record, you cannot will a poop away. I continued to treat my upcoming morning delight much the same way as your government treats the federal deficit – just ignore it and hope it goes away.
> 
> Got to my stand, climbed up and waited for daylight. By this time I was breaking a brow sweat. We’ve all experienced this particular brow sweat, and it usually occurs just as you’re reaching Defcon 5 and are trapped behind the wheel of your vehicle in a traffic jam somewhere. I continued to choose to ignore the obvious gastrointestinal jihad that was brewing in my shorts, as the magic moment of daybreak was about to occur. By this time, my brow sweat had evolved into a full body sweat, and I judged myself to be 90% effaced. Unsnapping my fall protection harness, I did my best impression of the 82nd Airbourne division on my way down the tree, following by a record-breaking sprint as far away from my stand as biology would allow.
> 
> ...


This whole story was epic! Thanks, I needed that today!


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## MtsMan (Jun 20, 2011)

pernluc said:


> I had a friend two years ago that got out of his stand pulled down his coveralls, took a dump and crawled back up his tree only to realize that he crapped in the neck of his coveralls. Yuck.



ROFLMAO! I am crying... too funny


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## 138104 (May 14, 2009)

MOC said:


> I have to take a dump every morning. I’m as regular as the day is long. I knew I was in trouble one day two seasons ago when my usual “me time” didn’t occur after I woke up. I had a couple cups of coffee in the truck on my way to the woods, and of course this doesn’t help. I got suited up and began the long walk in. About halfway in, I felt a familiar tingling in my gut and I knew I might be in trouble. However, I attempted to control it by ignoring it. For the record, you cannot will a poop away. I continued to treat my upcoming morning delight much the same way as your government treats the federal deficit – just ignore it and hope it goes away.
> 
> Got to my stand, climbed up and waited for daylight. By this time I was breaking a brow sweat. We’ve all experienced this particular brow sweat, and it usually occurs just as you’re reaching Defcon 5 and are trapped behind the wheel of your vehicle in a traffic jam somewhere. I continued to choose to ignore the obvious gastrointestinal jihad that was brewing in my shorts, as the magic moment of daybreak was about to occur. By this time, my brow sweat had evolved into a full body sweat, and I judged myself to be 90% effaced. Unsnapping my fall protection harness, I did my best impression of the 82nd Airbourne division on my way down the tree, following by a record-breaking sprint as far away from my stand as biology would allow.
> 
> ...


Got to bring this one back up! My wife and daughter think I'm nuts because I was laughing uncontrollably the whole time reading this !!! LMAO!!


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## MtsMan (Jun 20, 2011)

wingmastr23 said:


> dude....i don't even care if this is true......i am crying at my desk right now....trying not to laugh too loud...hysterical!!!!


x2!!


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## caveman72 (Feb 16, 2010)

Almost crapped myself reading this, thanks for the good laugh.


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## hassaracker (Jan 18, 2010)

Well written sir!!


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## tslabaugh (May 29, 2011)

Well after reading this and going to check my cams today.... I have realized it is not if I have to crap in the woods each time, it is _when_ will I have to crap in the woods. I don't know what is up with my guts. I put on a pair of hunting boots and I gotta crap! lol


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## sloz (Feb 25, 2009)

Hilarious stories! 

My 'best' poop story was about six years ago on opening day of rifle season. I take my time walking to my stand well before light, get settled in, and strap in lipper as usual. Well chew is pretty much a natural laxitive and mixing that with some bacon that morning apparently wasn't a great idea. 

As luck would have it, shooting light rolls around and right away I get that familiar feeling in my gut. And this is the feeling that definitely isn't going away. I practically jump out of my stand and run downwind of my tree, undoing my pants as I'm running. Flop my cheeks over a downed log and do the deed. 

Then it hits me..what the heck do I have to wipe with!? Too cold to lose socks...No shortsleeve shirt to cut sleeves off. So I go for the next best alternative...my lucky boxer shorts. Pulled out the knife and cut them up and buried the remains. A half bottle of scent killer to top off the heap and I was good to go. 

Needless to say, there were no casualties that day other than my favorite pair of skims.


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## jlh42581 (Oct 21, 2009)

If you wanna laugh, check this out. Cant post here due to language within comic

http://9gag.com/gag/4195782


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## ezee2404 (Sep 11, 2011)

Is December 21 2011, coldest morning of the year, about 11 degrees. I sat as the sun came up with my back agaist a cedar, muzzleloader across my lap. by 7:30 i couldnt take it anymore, i had to get up and walk around. (toooo cold) As I walked down a mowed path i ran smooth into a hunting buddy on a 4 wheeler trying to warm up himself. we conversed and parted ways. I rounded a corner onto a food plot and felt a bubble in my gut that said "you are out of time!". At this point, I have literally walked nearly 2 miles from the house. I thought just maybe i could hold it back for awhile longer. I walked across the plot and crept down into a valley slowhunting the whole way. As i started up the other side, my gut was cramped up so bad, that it was now or never! I ripped off my coat, took off my hoodie, tried to get my carhart bibs off, but they were stuck at my knees because of my boots! I unzipped my boots, layed them down and stood on them. carharts are down FINALLY, jeans are down, and last but damn sure not least, my long underwear are down! Just as i lean my a** into the neighbors fence, i looked up the valley and i can see some deer filtering out onto the trail that i am damn near naked on trying to pinch a loaf. i grabed up my CVA smoke pole and stood back up on the edge of the path. Just as soon as that first doe hit the path i let it eat, BANG! smoke was rolling deer were running EXCEPT the doe i shot at. she turned right towards me and started stomping down the path like she wanted to fight. I was alittle freaked out and franticly trying to reload. before i was finished, all the movment made her go away. I dont know what i was thinking at this point, i reloaded my muzzleloader and set it back down on the ground. i backed back up to the fence and FINALLY was able to get rid of that whole pack of oreos i had the day earlier. We're talking bad nasty! Im in trouble at this point, all these layers and im not willing to sacrifice anything im wearing to clean up, but what choice does a guy have? So, im standing there, dirty crack, and another herd of deer start coming out on the path that i had just walked down! I cursed outloud, and grabbed my gun, BANG! another smoke cloud, this time though, i saw it hit the deer. (keep in mind ALL im wearing is a t-shirt and socks, and its 11 out). After this i didnt reload, i had enough. My favorite gloves, which i stole from my turkey vest that morning were on the chopping block. i cleaned up, chucked my gloves accross the fence and after 15 minutes of exposure i was froze solid. after i got all my layers back on i felt like a new man. i walked up towards where i had shot at the first deer. Found a chunk knocked off the side of a tree, i had missed. to make a long story shorter. I ended up shooting at 4 deer that morning half of those i was dirty and naked. 

This is without a doubt, one of the best and worst mornings i have ever had in the woods.


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## BP1992 (Dec 24, 2010)

Hilarious thread!


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## hphunter (Aug 23, 2010)

I don't go hunting without Imodium. My 4 year old says I'm Black Toast intolerant as he can not pronounce lactose!


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## outdoorsman3 (Nov 15, 2010)

best thread on the site... cant argue about rage when your laughing til your side hurts.


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## GoosebyFLuFLu (Aug 12, 2011)

lmao this is hilarious.


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## sarcasmn (May 2, 2012)

I woke up the better half reading this trying to be quiet. For all off you with missing socks, shirt sleeves etc. Bio degradable baby wipes in a zip lock baggy are a hunters best friend.


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## JV3HUNTER (Jan 27, 2004)

This is the best thread I have ever read, The one about the hardware store literally brought tears to my eyes. Epic !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## hobbs4421 (May 20, 2006)

My first archery kill was over a pile of fresh crap. Two buck came in chasing a doe in heat and the one stopped 3 ft from my stand and I shopt him. Neither of the deer noticed the smell. I try to take care of bussiness prior to going in the woods, but chit happens.


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## Il. Archer (Mar 17, 2012)

It has been my experience that deer care about what is on you and not what is in you. I guess the best policy is don't crap on yourself! LOL!!


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## outdoorsman3 (Nov 15, 2010)

I love this thread.. I have read through it about 4 times now.. I die everytime I read it... I want to bump it to the top, but also share my story...

About 4 or 5 years ago, back when I was just a kid, me and my dad went out hunting, I wasnt 16 yet, so I went with him, we start walkin to the stands and all of the sudden, the rumble of death.. everyone knows what that is, the second it hits you your in that "oh dear lord" phase, I used to be kind of a chunkier kid back in the day, and I wore a under armour that was way to small, and it squeezed me like a python. so I quickly said to my dad go ahead and climb in, and I remember in exact words I go "I gotta go pinch a loaf" cause I was that "funny guy". so I am runnin back, in my heavy clothes, I shed down to about my 2nd layer, and pick out a nice log, the log was dry rotted to nothing, and my buns hit that frosty grass.. I about cried from the cold, so I had to just do the squat move, I go to the truck to get some toilet paper, and what I find was horrific, 8 squares of moist toilet paper, and one of those "thin caseys napkins" as a 13 or 14 year old kid that had a freezing arse, and was panicing as the sun was peaking over the horizon, I grabbed a few of my dads jersey gloves.. I didnt throw them on ground zero like I should have, and left them under the truck.. 2 weeks later he asked why his gloves smelled like straight up shat, I guess he picked them up... OOPS!


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## rkt (Jan 24, 2010)

I actually had a small basketrack six meandering down the trail one afternoon and stopp within inches of where i fertilized during his pause i swore he mumbled"gosh dam that stinks" but he never went into alert mode.


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## mathew_ (Jun 27, 2010)

one time i had that feeling hit me right at "prime time" about 745am in my climber, so i climbed down and started walking downwind of my tree i had climbed but didnt make it but about 25 yards before i couldnt go any farther! so i got done and went back and climbed my tree, about 35mins after that had happend i looked and just down wind of the poo was a bobcat walking straight to it! i was rifel hunting and shot and killed the bobcat literaly about 5 yards from it (so close that when i went to retreive the bobcat i had to watch my step) still to this day i think he smelt that and thought somthing was dead and was coming to check it out! it was rank! lmao


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## danesdad (Feb 6, 2007)

I once pooped within 30 yards of my treestand and killed a buck not a half hour later from that same stand.


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## Mathewsboy00 (Mar 11, 2012)

one morning i was going hunting at a buddys property and i took his younger brother..this spot has know to be great as i have killed here before...i was pumped and we got in about an hr before daylight...we werent in stands there was this bick hedge tree we climb up and just stand on a limb..we both are in same tree as he is young..about 25 min from daylight comes and he go i gotta poop i said hold it your not pooping..he said i cant,,,i said then leave your not going to mess up my hunt...but he said nope i can i gotta go now.. even though i wanted to push him out of tree i said hurry up so he pulled his pants down did a squat right up in the tree and man it sounded like a water fall...and sure as crap there was a deer in the dark underthe tree and man it blew and went crazy...to this day i wonder if he craped on that deer


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## sfhunter (Jul 30, 2008)

On a November morning a few years ago a good friend of mine was hunting some of our beautiful state forest when it hit him. He said it took him twenty minutes to climb down the tree because he had to stop to "squeeze" after each step down in his climber to try and prevent the almost inevidable trip to the laundry mat. Well after successfully getting down stain free he got as far from his stand as he could before ripping down his pants and relieving himself over a fallen tree. In his rush he did not realize that he ran about 20 yards from the trail he walked in on, moments later he heard a sound he had never heard before, he described it as a clippity clop sound. As he looked up he saw the source of this strange noise, the local collage had a class out on horseback and just so happened to be on the same trail he walked in on. He said it was too late all he could do was sit there with his butt hanging over the tree and his head in his hands and wait for them to pass and for the sounds of their laughter to fade away. Thanks for the great stories, made this night of work go a little faster. This story is definetely much funnier when he tells it but thought someone might get a kick out of it.


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## mathew_ (Jun 27, 2010)

sfhunter said:


> On a November morning a few years ago a good friend of mine was hunting some of our beautiful state forest when it hit him. He said it took him twenty minutes to climb down the tree because he had to stop to "squeeze" after each step down in his climber to try and prevent the almost inevidable trip to the laundry mat. Well after successfully getting down stain free he got as far from his stand as he could before ripping down his pants and relieving himself over a fallen tree. In his rush he did not realize that he ran about 20 yards from the trail he walked in on, moments later he heard a sound he had never heard before, he described it as a clippity clop sound. As he looked up he saw the source of this strange noise, the local collage had a class out on horseback and just so happened to be on the same trail he walked in on. He said it was too late all he could do was sit there with his butt hanging over the tree and his head in his hands and wait for them to pass and for the sounds of their laughter to fade away. Thanks for the great stories, made this night of work go a little faster. This story is definetely much funnier when he tells it but thought someone might get a kick out of it.


lmao!


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## 102 (Sep 17, 2007)

I have too many stories about crap.
All of them involve my best bud who apparently has had a problem with crap since I met him about 36 years ago.

Some of his stories are so funny I still crack up when I think about them.

One of the best happened when he decided to take up reading on stand on all day sits. A really BAD idea with a man with VERY active bowels.

Particularly on cold, extra long john and coverall days.

He did his "duty" (or so he thought" before heading to the pre-dawn woods. Now picture this guy as about 6' 3" and about 250. Not a little guy. He climbed up to about 20 feet and settled in for an all day sit during early rut in Tennessee. 

About 8:30, after the sun came up good and started warming the air to a more comfortable temp, he broke out the paperback. BIG MISTAKE. As he sat perched in the glow of the warming morning sun, relaxed and reading his paperback, things began to "move". Un fortunately, these things were not deer, at least where he sat.

He ignored the first "warning shot" pains and tried to attribute them to bad coffee. He was fooling himself.

He realized about half way down the tree that it was getting VERY serious. He started pitching stuff from 10 feet off the ground and at about 5 feet up, jumped the rest of the way to the ground. 

He was at a critical juncture as his safety harness fell to his feet and KNEW his coverall zipper was going to present a supreme challenge. 

He had already mentally sacrificed his long johns as he was fumbling with his coveralls. The amount of sheer iron will and discipline it took to remove the coveralls prior to the "let down" was OLYMPIC. Surely a heroic effort. 

That was as far as he got.

About an hour later, He had buried his underwear, long johns and all, and headed to the truck. Naked from the waist down wearing "sloshy" rubber boots.

In 25 degree weather he hopped in the lake and took a bath. 

Several deer were killed near that stink pile of buried clothes that season. It did not seem to bother the deer at all but several unsuspecting hunters were said to have had nauseated feelings for unknown reasons associated with sitting in the area for the next few weeks.


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## big buck3 (Mar 21, 2005)

jlh42581 said:


> i always dump over a log, no chance of falling in it.
> 
> my buddy dumps right out of his climber, holds on too it and hangs his ass over the side


Gosh do you know me??? 

I thought I was the only one in the world to do this!


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## 3dn4jc (Jun 25, 2007)

ozzz said:


> 1. Would deer be spooky around this area?
> 
> 2. How long would it take for them to forget about it?
> 
> Discuss


Depends on the number of possums that lived close.


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## STILLxSTALKINGx (May 23, 2012)

My son will be 12 in august....i'm taking him hunting for the first time this year...gotta talk to him about poo'in in the woods....i think i'll use this thread instead of talking...lol


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## 09blackonblack (Nov 9, 2011)

I've never popped while hunting? I shot a deer 2 years ago standing in my tree with my pee shooter hanging out because I was taking a leak when he walked past my tree.


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## ORbuck (Jul 4, 2012)

Edge 1 said:


> This is why I have a diet consisting only of CORN during deer season. (Would that be considered baiting?)


Hahah thats just wrong man


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## Warriorsinc (Feb 7, 2012)

Hahaha this thread has me dying laughing. What a good morning read lmao.


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## jlh42581 (Oct 21, 2009)

big buck3 said:


> Gosh do you know me???
> 
> I thought I was the only one in the world to do this!


Bill? You moved to Iowa... thanks for inviting me


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## Drawin Deadly (Jan 15, 2009)

this has been one of the funniest and most scientific threads on AT :elf_moon:


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## 7sand8s (Jan 22, 2012)

I took a dump about 25 ft up a climber, there was no way I could make it down. Had to cut my underwear out.


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## bucknut1 (Sep 21, 2006)

ive done it and shot the same morning


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## outdoorsman3 (Nov 15, 2010)

I would definitely not be afraid to drop some bombs from up in my climber.. but what about 4 hours later when you get down from hunting, you dont even think about it and you jump down the last few feet... SON OF A :BangHead:


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## slickhedshooter (Nov 13, 2009)

My buddy crapped off the side of his stand with a group of does 30 yards away. They never busted him and never cared. I can't believe they didn't spot his white butt in the tree.


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## Newhunter1 (May 20, 2003)

to funny..


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## outdoorsman3 (Nov 15, 2010)

Well the demon hit me again for the first hunt of the season. A cup of coffee set me straight this morning as i got to the woods on this chilly April day, but at about 6:30, just imagine a guy running full speed duck waddle style 200 yards. Hope everyone else had a good morning! 

Sent from my SCH-I535 using Tapatalk 2


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## HOLDFASTHANK (Jan 27, 2013)

It never affected me, If I don't have tp in my pack ill cut my boxers into briefs or take a strip off my shirt haha.


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## Bhunter32 (Jan 18, 2003)

After reading these replies I realized I have not laughed this hard in a long time. It reminds me of alot of my mishaps. The absolute worse is when it hits and you have to peel down through 57 layers of clothes before you have clearance to fire at will. LOL.


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## outdoorsman3 (Nov 15, 2010)

Bhunter32 said:


> After reading these replies I realized I have not laughed this hard in a long time. It reminds me of alot of my mishaps. The absolute worse is when it hits and you have to peel down through 57 layers of clothes before you have clearance to fire at will. LOL.


That's why i try to bump this thread all the time, thread is hilarious

Sent from my SCH-I535 using Tapatalk 2


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## CjsPapa0504 (Dec 24, 2011)

Oh my god! My roommate (deployed right now) just yelled at me because he has to work in 3 hours, and can't sleep because I have spent the last hour reading this and crying... 

EPIC STORIES!!!


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## a1hoyt.ca (Feb 3, 2008)

I had ham taters and corn for dinner tonight heading in to the woods tomorrow to bait for deer season lol this is hilarious great thread.


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## Kstigall (Feb 24, 2004)

If ? I ALWAYS carry TP and use it fairly regularly. I stopped spending a hunting day "prairie dogging" in my late teens.............


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## 07chuck (Feb 19, 2013)

Dakota79 said:


> I went to Bunnings Hardware store recently while not being altogether sure that course of action was a wise one. You see, the previous evening I had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented 'you're definitely going to **** yourself' road-kill chilli. Tasty stuff, albeit hot to the point of being painful, which comes with a written guarantee from me that if you eat it, the next day both of your butt cheeks WILL fall off.
> 
> Here's the thing. I had awakened that morning, and even after two cups of coffee (and all of you know what I mean) nothing happened. No 'Watson's Movement 2'. Despite habanera peppers swimming their way through my intestinal tract, I was unable to create the usual morning symphony referred to by my dear wife as 'thunder and lightning'.
> 
> ...


Omg crying in the passenger seat of my work truck , boss asking me if I'm ok


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## comer44883 (Oct 26, 2010)

Ib4Hoyt said:


> if you need a gallon you need a doctor!


 lmao that's funny right there!


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## jhauser (Feb 24, 2005)

in pa the game nazi's will arrest your for baiting and littering


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## bjmostel (Jun 12, 2010)

If you ate corn the night before and took a dump the next day on the stand would it be considered baiting?


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## Where's Bruce? (Jul 11, 2011)

ozzz said:


> 1. Would deer be spooky around this area?
> 
> 2. How long would it take for them to forget about it?
> 
> Discuss


Whaddaya mean IF? You meant WHEN right?


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## lung smasher (Jan 28, 2011)

Now that what I call talking crap. Literally!!! Funniest post I have read in years. Love it lol.


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## WhitetailAce (May 16, 2012)

When I was younger 16-17 me, my dad, and couple of buddies of mine were out on the boat fishing one day. After a few hours of fishing I knew I needed to go, so I told my dad we needed to head back to the cabin and quickly. Well in order to get back to the cabin we had to go through roughly a mile of no wake zone. And the closer we got to the dock the more I needed to go. It was to the point where I could not do anything else besides dance, and hop around trying to hold it in. Well as we started pulling up to the dock (maybe 10 yards away) I just could not hold it any longer. I ended up leaping off the boat hoping I could make it to the beach. But that did not happen. As I leaped off the boat, in mid air I dropped my drawers stuck my legs out in front of me like someone doing the long jump and started to crap mid air as I am flying over the water. I landed in about 3 inches of water and finished taking a crap right on the edge of the beach. Luckily no one was on the beach. But I tell you, till this day I have never heard three guys laugh so hard in my life. And my two buddies on the boat still tell the story to this day and nag on me about it all the time.


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## Fury90flier (Jun 27, 2012)

That reminded me of being at the beach one time...had to go. So like anyone would, I walked out to the water to do my business...though I only had to take a leak to begin with.

As I'm about waist deep I realize the squirrel had to leave so...I made got into the appropriate position and let it out. After taking care of business I'm walking back to our site and what do I see...that turd being washed upon the beach. I though for sure the wave action would have destroyed the thing...nope. It sat there at the edge of the water for a while...it didn't go unnoticed. There was a couple famlies not too far from us...kids building sandcastles, throwing ball, and playing in the water. Not too long later, the kids took notice....one kid went and got the other to check it out...they seemed impressed. Mom eventually had to come and grab them away....I got a couple dirty looks from the parents (guess it was my laughing that gave it away)

As to hunting...yea, have crapped in the woods and it never seemed to bother the deer. There were a couple times that they seemed curious...you know, it's hard to shoot a bow while you're giggling.


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## bigwitt1171 (Mar 23, 2010)

I gotta tag this to read latter lol


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## Eman89so (Sep 28, 2011)

You guys might like this one.. Spring Gobbler Season..

Got myself and the girlfriend all squeezed in to this little patch of woods with the decoys all set up about a hour before dark.. Daylight comes and I feel it crusting.. I fart.. she looks at me and says what the hell kinda hunter are you.. I say..This isn't good.. We hear some birds gobble and im thinking man im screwed I gotta go now.. I keep farting my gf is instantly pissed im about to ruin the hunt.. So I try to sneak out about 20 yards behind us ( this is a fairly small patch of woods) I throw the pants down get everything ready to go pluck my leaves.. My gf is staring at my in DISGUST.. So im doing my thing and all a sudden I hear THAT MFKER IS MASTERBATING IN THE WOODS!! I turn around and about 15 yards downhill of me there is 2 guys watching me taking a crap and they are thinking im jerking it HAHA!!


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## Hondov65 (Jan 16, 2013)

Have you ever smelled deer estros? I don't think theres any thing stronger.


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## ridgerunner1 (Dec 13, 2012)

if i post pic will someone critique my form?


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## JaXXas (Jun 18, 2013)

Well Sheeet! This is some funny stuff! Here is my first deer, and it's in the middle of while I was taking a dump story! Fair warning it was with a rifle.

Many years back in north western Colorado I was out hunting for my first tagged buck. I was with a group of about 5 friends. I had no luck opening morning, actually I had no idea of what I was doing! I was 18 and I had read a bunch of magazines. Nearing dusk I came across an old log cabin homestead in a small valley near a small pond at the base of a hill. Neat old log structure with most of the chinking missing. I thought it would be great cover overlooking the pond waiting for deer coming down to water. Well sitting there waiting I got a powerful urge to dump. So I found an old board, positioned it between the logs where the chinking would have been in a corner of the structure and made myself a throne facing the pond with a bit of an obstructed view through the logs on the far wall. 

Sitting back doing my business I was only missing some reading material. When I hear some rustling noises off to my right rear, and I look out between the chinking and see one of my hunting buddies maybe 30-40 up the hill from me, and he's waving his hands trying or signalling to somebody else off to the left rear of where I shat. I look over to my left rear and there is another of my buddies gesturing towards the pond. I look back toward the pond, and I can just barely see deer hide between the logs. So hopping off my throne, pants at my ankles, I waddle to the far wall, scoping between the logs I spy about 70 yards away my first buck. A small but legal crotch horn. Resting my 270 Win on a log, barrel sticking through the missing chinking I draw a bead on him and squeeze off a shot. With the recoil all I can see is log. The deer had disappeared, but I'm sure I've nailed it! My buddies have no idea of where I'm at, they are dumb founded as to who took the shot. They are more than amused as I go running out of the log cabin trying to pull up my pants while looking for my deer. And as you may have guessed, there was no time for the paperwork! I finally found my deer, I had hit him a bit low and somewhat rearward. Cleaning him was a bit messy. The old fart of the group wet his hands in the blood and smeared some on my face, some kinda of rite of passage that I have never thought worthy of passing on!

That's my tail! And I'm sticking to it. Or rather my shorts were sticking to my tail!


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## ozzz (Jul 30, 2010)

So any tactics to NOT crap in the woods.

I am planning some early season all day hunts and I need to figure out how NOT to poop all day.


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## outdoorsman3 (Nov 15, 2010)

ozzz said:


> So any tactics to NOT crap in the woods.
> 
> I am planning some early season all day hunts and I need to figure out how NOT to poop all day.


Don't drink beer the night before, maybe pop an Imodium in the morning?

Sent from my SCH-I535 using Tapatalk 2


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## BullBandit (Sep 17, 2012)

I love finding tree stands in the elk woods. I'm always sure to leave a big pile of "sign" at the base of there tree.  just wish I could put a camera up to get pictures of their faces when they find it. Haven't found one with someone in it yet.


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## NCMFX (Oct 21, 2009)

Just careful with hooded coveralls, I know more than one person who had the stink follow em around, yes they crapped in thier hoods.


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## bhunterED (Mar 14, 2012)

Just this spring in the turkey woods I had my first experience dropping one in the woods. It was actually peaceful until I got home and discovered a tick on the jewels.


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## SamPotter (Aug 31, 2012)

I can't believe nobody posted this classic:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GLWyPiFYRdA


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## Python014 (Oct 10, 2013)

Haven't pooped while hunting yet but it sounds fun! I've pooped running, biking, and swimming before but not all at the same time lol. Most of the time I use my socks to wipe so I guess is do the same while hunting as long as I watch out for that poison ivy! Been there done that and not fun at all


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## outdoorsman3 (Nov 15, 2010)

Who is gettin ready for another year of crappin in the woods?!


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## outdoorsman3 (Nov 15, 2010)

I have another good story actually.. So last turkey season I was hunting with an outfitter. It was a guided hunt and the hunting was slow.. My guide said he had to pinch a loaf and I figured I had to too considering all the Busch light from the night before had to go out somewhere.. Well I found a tree that was over two stumps and I figured it was a good poopin tree.. Well I was wrong, that SOB split right in half and I was flat on my back.. Thank god I hadn't started going yet! My guide comes back and he was like what the hell was that snapping noise.. With my lack of words he knew and instantly just busted out laughing.. Good times hahaha


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## outdoorsman3 (Nov 15, 2010)

Bump for my buddy swarky to read


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## Swarkydeerman (Aug 26, 2013)

O
m
g


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## grinderMatt_PA (Mar 12, 2003)

Holy corn cannons, Batman. Ill get the skid shield. Proof that us archers have yet to master the other flying objects besides the ones in our quiver.


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## Swarkydeerman (Aug 26, 2013)

grinderMatt_PA said:


> Holy corn cannons, Batman. Ill get the skid shield. Proof that us archers have yet to master the other flying objects besides the ones in our quiver.


Bahaha
Im on page 6
Just dropped in to read alittle while dropping a deuce on break

How ironic huh


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## outdoorsman3 (Nov 15, 2010)

Swarkydeerman said:


> Bahaha
> Im on page 6
> Just dropped in to read alittle while dropping a deuce on break
> 
> How ironic huh


It's some funny stuff ain't it? Hahaha


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## Swarkydeerman (Aug 26, 2013)

Dude i almost didnt get to go to sleep...damn ipad died is what saved me


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## outdoorsman3 (Nov 15, 2010)

Swarkydeerman said:


> Dude i almost didnt get to go to sleep...damn ipad died is what saved me


Yup, that's why this page has been on my bookmarks for a couple years.. I got another poopy thread for ya as well actually!


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## ozzz (Jul 30, 2010)

I love it when this thread re surfaces!


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## outdoorsman3 (Nov 15, 2010)

ozzz said:


> I love it when this thread re surfaces!


You're a legend for making this thread! Lmao


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## ozzz (Jul 30, 2010)

outdoorsman3 said:


> You're a legend for making this thread! Lmao


Definitely some of my finest work.


Hopefully there are many code brown stories from the field this season.


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## hawkdriver55 (Sep 6, 2010)

d3ue3ce said:


> depends on what you had for dinner. . . .


Last year I went hunting after having dinner the night before , Hot Buffalo Chicken Wings. I am still on the run and in hiding from the Fish and Game, the EPA and everyone that had a stand within 40 acres. I am pretty sure the 40 deer that turned up dead were my fault and not the EHD.


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## Doebuster (Mar 5, 2006)

I know somebody who craps in there ground blind !!! I'm not making it up either for real , he craps then picks the blind up and moves it a little .


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## KiwiJim (May 7, 2013)

Did one once in a super remote spot while trout fishing. Walked further into the rainforrest than was probably necessary. 
Undid belt... did business.... wiped... covered very well with leaves and branches. 
Hiked for an hour upstream went to take a photo. Camera case and knife sheath missing... 
It seems when i squatted and undid the belt the heavy camera and knife slid off my belt onto the ground. 
I buried them with breakfast then i buried them with leaves. 
Took me nearly 2 hours to find my well concealed pile of leaves. Yes i retrieved them.
*On a different note if that's not a reason to buy a waterproof camera i dont know what is...


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## escout402 (Feb 22, 2011)

Shot one an hour after the 9:30am Express hit me on opening morning of the NY gun season last year. My buddy and I knocked back a bunch of Genny Cream Ale and chicken wings the night before. I drank a large Dunkin Donuts coffee on my way in to the stand. 9:30, and the crap hit me fast. That was the fastest I have ever descended from a tree. Dropped a loaf right in the middle of a bedding area!


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## shaffer88 (Dec 3, 2007)

only thing I think would scare them is it comin from 20ft up


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## grinderMatt_PA (Mar 12, 2003)

We are far into bowhunting season and no one has had any mishaps? Did everyone read the ten foods to stay away from to avoid treestand sharting? I stumbled across this video and thought I would share it as it reminded me of the thousands of Environmental health and safety videos I've had to watch at work. Accountability in the bathroom. Enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YuobiV-0Hlo&feature=youtube_gdata_player


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## JavelinaHunter (Aug 23, 2007)

grinderMatt_PA said:


> We are far into bowhunting season and no one has had any mishaps? Did everyone read the ten foods to stay away from to avoid treestand sharting? I stumbled across this video and thought I would share it as it reminded me of the thousands of Environmental health and safety videos I've had to watch at work. Accountability in the bathroom. Enjoy.
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YuobiV-0Hlo&feature=youtube_gdata_player


I just pooped myself watching that video!


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## Tonto79 (Feb 13, 2011)

1. My brother in law was bowhunting near me last year about 80 yards because we were covering a funnel of oak trees near a break in a stone wall, we were both in climbers when around 9 a.m. I see him stand up and work his way down the tree. He looks over to me with an "oh god" look on his face and he runs to the only downed tree that happens to be right dead center in the middle of us out about 60 yards. We're both big fellas, 300 lbs, anyway he's in such a hurry, that he hangs his arse across what appeared to be a thick branch and proceeds to drop breakfast when the branch snaps and he falls arse first right into his own pile. I lost it and couldn't stop laughing til I almost puked.


2. Same brother in law, we were ice fishing in a tourney in Massachusetts and we were running late that morning so we just grabbed the essentials and left the pop up shanty home. The lake we were fishing on has a major highway that you can see from anywhere on the lake. We were only 100 yards out when he looks at me and says "dude I gotta drop a loaf and there's no way I'm gonna make it off the ice" I look at him and start laughing. There's literally over two hundred people around us. So acting quickly, I pull out my pocket knife and cut a hole in his fold out chair (desperate times, desperate measures) and I "block" for him while he sits down and releases the Kraken. I couldn't help but start laughing as he cut the pocket off his hoodie and stealth like wiped. He stood up and was tried covering it up like a cat in kitty litter but there was hardly any snow, so he took the auger and punched a hole and kicked it in. In between trying to catch my breath I yelled out " Why are you throwing that corn eyed brown trout back we could have landed lunker! " and then he lost it.

3. My brother in law, his best friend and I are out on lake champlain in my BIL's new Nitro bass boat. While moving to a new spot his best friend says he's gotta download. So he rips off his raincoat and lays across the deck and drops chow then throws it overboard hahahahaha


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## Crappiewizard (Jul 29, 2014)

170p&ywhitail said:


> My fathernlaw was crapping in a walmart bathroom stall and the stinch was so bad he didn't want anyone to walk in and say ***! Or something so he flushes the toilet before he is done. Well the toilet runs over while he is still perched so he frantically opens the stall door and crab walks to the other toilet stall to finish up! Can you imagine walking in on that!?!


THIS kinda CRAP had to stop!! I am never gonna make it to the end. This one really got me!! Funny poo!!


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## BloodDrunkard (Jun 25, 2014)

The first deer I shot (last year) was right after I took a huge dump. All I had was leaves and to be honest I could still smell it up in my stand. My wife thought it wqas funny anyway :darkbeer:


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## Crappiewizard (Jul 29, 2014)

This one isn't hunting related, but the funniest one of all time. We was playing in a varsity football game. Are senior class had 22 people in it. So small of a school we new everyone. We went to a big school to play(breeze). They just smeared us!! So on the way home on the bus we couldn't talk. The coaches wouldn't let us!! Well, half way home a friend of mine says....I gots to poo!!! We all told him to hold it. It was dead silent on this bus and THUD! He missed the Gatorade bottle be tried to get in! All of the windows go all the way down. Bus diver is in a frantic cause the windows are below the line. Coaches freaking out cause we all are bustin up!!! We still give Doug crap about! This has been the best thread on archery talk. Funny!


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## spoco57 (Aug 31, 2005)

grinderMatt_PA said:


> We are far into bowhunting season and no one has had any mishaps? Did everyone read the ten foods to stay away from to avoid treestand sharting? I stumbled across this video and thought I would share it as it reminded me of the thousands of Environmental health and safety videos I've had to watch at work. Accountability in the bathroom. Enjoy.
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YuobiV-0Hlo&feature=youtube_gdata_player


Hahahahahah..... that one started my day right!


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## Saint Hubert (Sep 20, 2007)

MOC said:


> I have to take a dump every morning. I’m as regular as the day is long. I knew I was in trouble one day two seasons ago when my usual “me time” didn’t occur after I woke up. I had a couple cups of coffee in the truck on my way to the woods, and of course this doesn’t help. I got suited up and began the long walk in. About halfway in, I felt a familiar tingling in my gut and I knew I might be in trouble. However, I attempted to control it by ignoring it. For the record, you cannot will a poop away. I continued to treat my upcoming morning delight much the same way as your government treats the federal deficit – just ignore it and hope it goes away.
> 
> Got to my stand, climbed up and waited for daylight. By this time I was breaking a brow sweat. We’ve all experienced this particular brow sweat, and it usually occurs just as you’re reaching Defcon 5 and are trapped behind the wheel of your vehicle in a traffic jam somewhere. I continued to choose to ignore the obvious gastrointestinal jihad that was brewing in my shorts, as the magic moment of daybreak was about to occur. By this time, my brow sweat had evolved into a full body sweat, and I judged myself to be 90% effaced. Unsnapping my fall protection harness, I did my best impression of the 82nd Airbourne division on my way down the tree, following by a record-breaking sprint as far away from my stand as biology would allow.
> 
> ...


I'm just finding this thread for the first time. You sir just made my day!


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## mtswampfox (Jan 13, 2010)

reminds me of a gilbert gotfried joke; a bear and a rabbit were in the woods taking a ..........


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## ChappyHOYT (Feb 26, 2009)

If I have to drop wolfbait I do it fast. I'm taking stuff off as I climb down. Had chili the night before a sit and my ***** let out a nuclear explosion.


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## nimh (Nov 26, 2011)

I ripped a nasty fart (silent) in the tree a few years back and I heard some deer downwind blow and run away.


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## iceman14 (Jan 25, 2011)

Stanky leg


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## Cjclemens (Aug 20, 2013)

iceman14 said:


> Stanky leg


Good lord...how bored are you today? You should get an honorary degree in archaeology for digging up these fossils.


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## iceman14 (Jan 25, 2011)

Just tired of the how big, how old threads. These make good reading


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## outdoorsman3 (Nov 15, 2010)

I'm so glad this thread came back. Should be bumped at least quarterly. Definitely one of the best on AT


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## ozzz (Jul 30, 2010)

Good to see this up.


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## 25ft-up (Mar 14, 2010)

Good to be on your team this year, ozzz. I can keep you filled in with my results. I have crohns, and can relate to most of these posts.


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## elkbow69 (May 7, 2010)

I soooooooooooo needed this thread today. 

BUMP for subscribe.


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## JFife (Feb 1, 2011)

I once heard a story of a man that had to take a dump from his tree stand and literally had a spike come and eat the corn from his crap underneath his tree.


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## Early Ice (Mar 18, 2008)

Just don't ever accidentally chit in your hood of your coat. A buddy of mine did that Ice fishing about 15 years ago. Apparently a few hours later he put up his hood because he kept getting a whiff. Fortunately for me I was there to witness this, unfortunately for him he learned two hard lessons that day. 

Never chit up wind and double check to make sure your hood is out of the way.

pertaining to this thread, i've chit in the woods many times, never bow hunted near it though....I'd assume a deer can't tell human chit from any other dung. I personally don't think they are going to fall in love with the smell and come in for a taste, but I don't think it will scare them either.


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## AntlerInsane (Jul 6, 2014)

I craps every time I walk in to the woods. It's almost like an involuntary response to being in the woods. I've left a lot of clothes in the woods. This year I bought myself a bigger pack so I can fit more "essentials" in it. Like TP.


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## AntlerInsane (Jul 6, 2014)

I craps every time I walk in to the woods. It's almost like an involuntary response to being in the woods. I've left a lot of clothes in the woods. This year I bought myself a bigger pack so I can fit more "essentials" in it. Like TP.


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## Warpst0ne (Sep 17, 2014)

STUDENT-ARCHER said:


> I want to sit in on this court case!


I volunteer for this jury too


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## Zim (Jun 28, 2010)

There's a couple ahole's stands at JEPC public land I need to deliver deuces to some time.


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## outdoorsman3 (Nov 15, 2010)

I don't know about you guys but it feels pretty damn good droppin trow' on a brisk October morning with the wind tickling your arse lol


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## Hey Abbott (Dec 12, 2013)

I don't know about the "tickling" but it sure feels great to poo in nature.


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## Cjclemens (Aug 20, 2013)

iceman14 said:


> Just tired of the how big, how old threads. These make good reading


Fair enough. I can't argue with that!


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## BigDeer (Aug 9, 2005)

Hey Abbott said:


> I don't know about the "tickling" but it sure feels great to poo in nature.


and knowing you have teepee, or wet wipes if you had a long night drinking...


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## outdoorsman3 (Nov 15, 2010)

BigDeer said:


> and knowing you have teepee, or wet wipes if you had a long night drinking...


Drinking coffee on top of that bud mud stomach is never a fun time lol


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## BigDeer (Aug 9, 2005)

outdoorsman3 said:


> Drinking coffee on top of that bud mud stomach is never a fun time lol


Copy!

can be a fairly dangerous proposition..


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## Swamp Cracker (Sep 3, 2014)

I always bring a ziplock bag with wet wipes in it, because crapping in the woods is no big deal, but crapping with no wipes is another story. If I have my GPS with me I mark the spot and call it "Geocrapping."

One downside, in Florida especially during archery season... you may be covered up in DEET but when you drop your drawers the skeeters bite you on your arse...


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## jlh42581 (Oct 21, 2009)

Any of you guys dollar shave club members?? Get yourself some of the one wipe charlies. Individual packed wet wipes that have some kind of cooling in them... I keep two in my backpack. Theyre about the size of a full size paper towel unfolded. You wont need fifty feet to wipe with. Dude wipes are another alternative


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## squirlwhisperer (Jul 23, 2015)

jlh42581 said:


> Any of you guys dollar shave club members?? Get yourself some of the one wipe charlies. Individual packed wet wipes that have some kind of cooling in them... I keep two in my backpack. Theyre about the size of a full size paper towel unfolded. You wont need fifty feet to wipe with. Dude wipes are another alternative


Good old-fashioned TP makes great field-expedient blood trail marker.


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## wango tango (Jun 28, 2009)

opening day in 2012 i was in my climber at my buds property. just got settled and all of the sudden I have a 911 in the lower GI area. imminent and possibly involuntary explosion.. i'm livid! anyway, i (quickly) performed a wildapoo while 20 feet up. For the most part my 'aim' was true, no issues, everything ok. Not 10 minutes later a 10 point comes meandering towards me....i'm thinking oh great! he gets to my tree and stops and sniffs around for what felt like 10 minutes (so probably 5  ) My cell phone even goes off and it is not silenced...ring ring ring....the buck stood there on the other side of the tree confused for another 5-10 min then just meandered off.


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## trickytross (Aug 25, 2010)

Dakota79 said:


> I went to Bunnings Hardware store recently while not being altogether sure that course of action was a wise one. You see, the previous evening I had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented 'you're definitely going to **** yourself' road-kill chilli. Tasty stuff, albeit hot to the point of being painful, which comes with a written guarantee from me that if you eat it, the next day both of your butt cheeks WILL fall off.
> 
> Here's the thing. I had awakened that morning, and even after two cups of coffee (and all of you know what I mean) nothing happened. No 'Watson's Movement 2'. Despite habanera peppers swimming their way through my intestinal tract, I was unable to create the usual morning symphony referred to by my dear wife as 'thunder and lightning'.
> 
> ...


Best. Story. Ever. Thanks to whoever made this thread. This is easily the greatest thing to ever happen on AT. THis guy who shared this story deserves a medal or award.... Gastrointestinal Poetry


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## bucksdown4ever (May 18, 2006)

Ive lost a few t shirts in the woods! The latest was this spring turkey hunting! Never a good idea to walk around the farm, thinking you can make it back to the truck. I got side tracked by a couple birds and forgot that I didnt have my pack with me. I took off 5 shirts until I got one I decided I could use for such a chore and not feel bad about cutting it up. But it had to happen now!


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## Bluemax61 (Aug 9, 2014)

This thread is CRAZY FUNNY! Even after reading just the first couple of pages, I found myself laughing hysterically! :set1_rolf2::set1_rolf2:

So, I decided I would "add" to the hilarity...
My buddy and I have been hunting together now for over 3 decades, and we are working on the 4th decade by 2016. Several years back, we had a small hunting lease with others, out in the middle of nowhere. As we had done in past years, we decided to do a short 3-day hunt/camping trip, during the first part of muzzleloader season. My buddy has always had a sporting dog, which usually accompanied us on our camping trips and this particular year was no exception. However, rather than the usual big dog (i.e. Lab) he decided to get a "smaller" version of a retriever and got a Boykin Spaniel, instead. At the time of this camping trip, the dog was still a puppy - at least in mind anyway!

After the morning hunt and it still being warm enough to set up a couple of lounge chairs outside the camper, we settled in for lunch and our normal BS session and snooze, to discuss the evening hunt. And - like clockwork - my buddy's bowels began to "sing" that oh so familiar song to him! Since we had no "running water" in the camper, our crapper consisted of a 5-gallon bucket, with the bottom cut out of it.

After my buddy took care of the "need", he returned and we continued our BS session, where we promptly dozed off. When we woke up, we noticed the dog was missing and thought little of it, as every dog he's had, has always stayed close to the campsite. Ummm... NOT THIS ONE! It wasn't long before my buddy was whistling for the dog, and he came running back. Then the dog settled down "between" us. Within minutes, there was this horrible aroma that crept up into our nasal passages, that was pretty unmistakable! After a quick wrinkle of our noses, we abruptly sat up, looked at each other and asked... had the other "shat" his pants?! Before either of us could answer, the dog began to "shake" - as dogs often do - but this time... there was "more" than just the sound of the dog's collar jingling! Something was flying... EVERYWHERE! AND ALL OVER US! Seems this crazy-ass dog had managed to "find" his master's "deuce pile" and decided to take a good olé fashion "roll" in it, thereby covering his long hair in his master's poo! As we attempted to make our desperate escape from the "flying dung", both of us tripped over our chairs falling to the ground, which allowed his pooch to show him some "up close and personal" love! Thankfully - for me - the dog had settled down "closer" to him than myself and he got the worst of it!

My buddy was "livid" - to say the least - that his dog wished to show him so much... "love"! As I watched him take one of our gallon jugs of water and clean the dog off (by hand), all I could do was sit there and laugh my ass off! I think the combination of his anger, his bi---in' about it, and slinging poo off himself and the dog, was just more than I could bare and keep a straight face - to say the very least! To this very day - we still laugh about it, whenever the story comes up in conversation!

Stupid damn dog!


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## rfeather (Jul 27, 2012)

cw118744 said:


> I always wear jersey gloves. They make a nice back up for TP. Just watch out for ur huntin buddy carryin the glove back to the truck in the next few weeks askin if you lost it like my huntin buddy did once.



Had my brother bring me my Red handkerchief that he found in the woods. I said, Naw, You keep it!


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## TheRiverBottom (Nov 12, 2013)

Said good bye to many a good sock. I check to make sure I have TP before I check to make sure I have my release.


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## Wirtbowhunter (Jul 4, 2007)

Years ago when I left the truck unprepared a few times, I lost the sleeves out of many good flannel shirts. 

Finally wised up and carry a zip lock bag of TP for when nature calls.


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## Swamp Poodle (Aug 3, 2010)

https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0CAQQjBxqFQoTCLSQ69y8uMcCFUwKkgodNZwEnQ&url=http%3A%2F%2Ftheinfalliblebro.files.wordpress.com%2F2013%2F09%2F15c87236ffa3551752fd844b7b0c962d.jpg&ei=FzXWVfSoEsyUyAS1uJLoCQ&psig=AFQjCNEUiBBmDjqqwRRMoM6VNr1Y_0MOLQ&ust=1440188042887959


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## grinderMatt_PA (Mar 12, 2003)

Here's to the thread that never dies. It leads to laughs and swarming flies.


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## WAH0918 (Dec 28, 2014)

Tagged, just to keep track of this. Awesomeness


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## zap (Mar 13, 2008)

Do you have a square? Just one square, please....:cocktail:


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## grinderMatt_PA (Mar 12, 2003)

I'm disappointed that no one has more stories about break offs this current bow season. At one time, I wanted to nickname this thread "SNAP CHAT, " but someone beat me to that name, and now it's very popular. Sheesh.


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## 148p&y (Aug 8, 2005)

This is a sore subject for me. I just hit a 140 ish buck with a minnie drop tine. Hit high one lung and shoulders. Deer beds up to die after a long blood trail. Land owner or his huntin buddies are setting gun stands. Someone drops a #2 30 yards from my bedded dying buck and spooks it to god knows where. Didnt figure out what happened till the next day. By the way I rocked a Subway enduced explosion under my daughters treestand last week had a doe with 2 fawns eating 10 feet from it. They didnt get spooky till they smelled the tree I was holding on to.


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## grinderMatt_PA (Mar 12, 2003)

The treebark boogie! Hope you got your buck, buddy! I try to stay clear of the sweet onion dressing at Subway if possible, but we just got a new Taco Bell so I'll be doomed soon I'm sure.


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## Skunkworkx (Apr 2, 2011)

There is only so much a scent-loc suit can do :wink:


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## 148p&y (Aug 8, 2005)

I have stomach issues for sure. My father in law has a outhouse in the middle of the property. One morning stand I knew I wasnt going to make it so I hiked to outhouse to find no T.P. and the outhouse full of lawn chairs. I had to drop one next to the out house and use both my gloves. Figured by spring the mice would use my gloves for a nest. 2 weeks later I see my father inlaw cutting up a tree by the out house. I just got that oh no feeling. After hunting I mentioned to him not to pick up any gloves he finds by the out house. He said "Oh I know I figured out why they were there at the last minute" I never would of heard the end of that. And no buck recovery.


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## 148p&y (Aug 8, 2005)

Oh ya and it was a sweet onion sub by the way. Good Call.


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## ghostgoblin22 (May 3, 2013)

i actually killed this guy 20 mins after i took a huge breakfast burrito crap 20 yards from my blind.....just kick some dirt on it, and hunt....dont overthink yourself


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## ozzz (Jul 30, 2010)

Ttt


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## MNOutdoorsman1 (Jul 22, 2014)

Dakota79 said:


> I went to Bunnings Hardware store recently while not being altogether sure that course of action was a wise one. You see, the previous evening I had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented 'you're definitely going to **** yourself' road-kill chilli. Tasty stuff, albeit hot to the point of being painful, which comes with a written guarantee from me that if you eat it, the next day both of your butt cheeks WILL fall off.
> 
> Here's the thing. I had awakened that morning, and even after two cups of coffee (and all of you know what I mean) nothing happened. No 'Watson's Movement 2'. Despite habanera peppers swimming their way through my intestinal tract, I was unable to create the usual morning symphony referred to by my dear wife as 'thunder and lightning'.
> 
> ...


Hilarious!


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## MNOutdoorsman1 (Jul 22, 2014)

MOC said:


> I have to take a dump every morning. I’m as regular as the day is long. I knew I was in trouble one day two seasons ago when my usual “me time” didn’t occur after I woke up. I had a couple cups of coffee in the truck on my way to the woods, and of course this doesn’t help. I got suited up and began the long walk in. About halfway in, I felt a familiar tingling in my gut and I knew I might be in trouble. However, I attempted to control it by ignoring it. For the record, you cannot will a poop away. I continued to treat my upcoming morning delight much the same way as your government treats the federal deficit – just ignore it and hope it goes away.
> 
> Got to my stand, climbed up and waited for daylight. By this time I was breaking a brow sweat. We’ve all experienced this particular brow sweat, and it usually occurs just as you’re reaching Defcon 5 and are trapped behind the wheel of your vehicle in a traffic jam somewhere. I continued to choose to ignore the obvious gastrointestinal jihad that was brewing in my shorts, as the magic moment of daybreak was about to occur. By this time, my brow sweat had evolved into a full body sweat, and I judged myself to be 90% effaced. Unsnapping my fall protection harness, I did my best impression of the 82nd Airbourne division on my way down the tree, following by a record-breaking sprint as far away from my stand as biology would allow.
> 
> ...


Read through the whole thread (dying of laughter) and you my friend take the cake! or leave it in this case


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## abertx (Mar 2, 2015)

Bump for the upcoming mud monkey season,,,I mean deer season.


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## outdoorsman3 (Nov 15, 2010)

Who needs a monday laugh?


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## NCMFX (Oct 21, 2009)

Here's another one, not exactly on topic but it involves hunting and poop.

Friend invited me down to his club to duck hunt in January. It was cold, in the 20s at night and the main house which houses the camps crapper was froze solid which presents obvious problems. Everybody takes off for different corners of the place to find them a place to crap in the morning. After the morning hunt we're sitting around camp and one of the guys dogs comes trotting up with a bar of soap on a rope in its mouth (some guys had hung it around a failed attempt at an impoundment to keep the deer out). The dog is covered in "mud". The dog's owner goes over to get the bar of soap from the dog, rubs the dogs side and smells his hand, then proceeds to dry heave. The dog found one of the piles of his buddies turd and rolled all in it. Watching the dog's owner dry heave and turn red in the face with anger was the funniest thing I've seen in a long time!


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## outdoorsman3 (Nov 15, 2010)

NCMFX said:


> Here's another one, not exactly on topic but it involves hunting and poop.
> 
> Friend invited me down to his club to duck hunt in January. It was cold, in the 20s at night and the main house which houses the camps crapper was froze solid which presents obvious problems. Everybody takes off for different corners of the place to find them a place to crap in the morning. After the morning hunt we're sitting around camp and one of the guys dogs comes trotting up with a bar of soap on a rope in its mouth (some guys had hung it around a failed attempt at an impoundment to keep the deer out). The dog is covered in "mud". The dog's owner goes over to get the bar of soap from the dog, rubs the dogs side and smells his hand, then proceeds to dry heave. The dog found one of the piles of his buddies turd and rolled all in it. Watching the dog's owner dry heave and turn red in the face with anger was the funniest thing I've seen in a long time!


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## MuskyMaestro (Feb 18, 2015)

Who hasn't destroyed a toilet at the local walmart ladies room because the mens room was full?


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## widow maker 223 (Sep 7, 2011)

You've done what!!! :lol:

Dakotas and NC's posts are some of the funniest chit iv read in a long time.


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## md3006 (May 18, 2013)

Thsee are some good ones guys got a goof laugh from them.

Have a long list of upset stomachs in the woods unfortunately my bowl movements are after sun up. Two really stick out however.

First day I ever hunted with this particular group was opening day of bear season and knowing most of the guys I was invited along for some drives. Halfway through the first drive I had to go bad. I found a stump that looked like God put it there just for me almost was more comfortable then my bathroom at home. Couple drives later we ended up in the same area pushing from a different direction. After the push one hunter was fuming about someone taking a dump in "his" stand.....guess he has been sitting on that stump for years.

Worst but probably brings the most laughs was when me and my best friends and a little woman who ended up marrying me and after this one I am still not sure why. I was about 25 maybe 30 feet up a tree and had to go bad but I had deer between me and my buddy I kept catching glimpse of through brush maybe 100 yards out i didn't want to ruin his hunt but I didn't care about my hunt at this point. But I came up with a great idea just sit on my lower platform and drop it through the grates! Horrible idea. Wasn't a single thing solid about this one and it was alot. Covered my stand my lower pants and boots but by far the worst part was it covered the whole tree that I would eventually have to climb down


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## Buckhavoc (Oct 27, 2009)

I don't think it does. I had a freaking cramp from hell the other day while 25 ft up. I couldn't get out of the tree fast enough and as soon as I did, it was a panic attack to get my camo off and the dang safety harness off. Anyhow I took a big dump and went back into the stand thinking my hunt was over. Twenty thirty minutes later I had a few does come in and an hour later a few more with a small 10. I don't think it does affect them.


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## jdslyr (Jan 27, 2005)

Deer don't give a crap about crap. I dropped a bomb at the base of my tree one yr, thinking I wasn't going back. Well one week later, I did go back, and a shooter was bedded within 10 yds of it., So take care of business and hunt.


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## shaffer88 (Dec 3, 2007)

grinderMatt_PA said:


> Here's to the thread that never dies. It leads to laughs and swarming flies.


It's alive once again


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## bus33 (Aug 6, 2006)

I made a harness that fits on my back that I can attach my ozonics unit to. I point the ozonics so it blows down my crack....:bartstush:


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## BigDeer (Aug 9, 2005)

wet wipes in a zip loc in the pack is a must


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## brodie1978 (Jul 24, 2008)

MOC said:


> I have to take a dump every morning. I’m as regular as the day is long. I knew I was in trouble one day two seasons ago when my usual “me time” didn’t occur after I woke up. I had a couple cups of coffee in the truck on my way to the woods, and of course this doesn’t help. I got suited up and began the long walk in. About halfway in, I felt a familiar tingling in my gut and I knew I might be in trouble. However, I attempted to control it by ignoring it. For the record, you cannot will a poop away. I continued to treat my upcoming morning delight much the same way as your government treats the federal deficit – just ignore it and hope it goes away.
> 
> Got to my stand, climbed up and waited for daylight. By this time I was breaking a brow sweat. We’ve all experienced this particular brow sweat, and it usually occurs just as you’re reaching Defcon 5 and are trapped behind the wheel of your vehicle in a traffic jam somewhere. I continued to choose to ignore the obvious gastrointestinal jihad that was brewing in my shorts, as the magic moment of daybreak was about to occur. By this time, my brow sweat had evolved into a full body sweat, and I judged myself to be 90% effaced. Unsnapping my fall protection harness, I did my best impression of the 82nd Airbourne division on my way down the tree, following by a record-breaking sprint as far away from my stand as biology would allow.
> 
> ...


This man is the Shakespeare of dump poetry. Well done


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## outdoorsman3 (Nov 15, 2010)

Thought I would bump his gem to the top for the start of the season, happy reading!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## BluMeanie (May 5, 2014)

Prose like this should best be enjoyed sitting-upon the Throne, O' Mighty King.....


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## outdoorsman3 (Nov 15, 2010)

BluMeanie said:


> Prose like this should best be enjoyed sitting-upon the Throne, O' Mighty King.....


I have read this whole thread multiple times over the years, it’s truly never NOT funny.. it happens to the best of us!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## huntingnwfl (Feb 4, 2008)

Got a buddy that did that. Now it's called hanging ham


jlh42581 said:


> i always dump over a log, no chance of falling in it.
> 
> my buddy dumps right out of his climber, holds on too it and hangs his ass over the side


Sent from my SM-N920V using Tapatalk


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## RavinHood (Sep 17, 2015)

If I gotta go I’m leaving and going home I’m not doing it in the woods 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## ChappyHOYT (Feb 26, 2009)

I like to "Nagasaki it" from above? Just got to be careful not to hit the steps for the climb down. :target::moon:


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## mn5503 (Feb 21, 2006)

Ahhh yes, a classic crapper thread...


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