# post some funny jokes here



## master hunter (Oct 9, 2007)

post all your best jokes here. we all need a good laugh every once and a while.


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## kegan (Aug 28, 2006)

Let's avoid political or slanderous humor- last time it didn't go well!!!

I got one though: Raphie May,

An old man is sitting on a bench crying. A young man walks up and asks, "why are you crying?"

The old man then replies, "I have a 22 year old wife at home. She cooks and cleans and we have sex six times a day as long as I have my little blue pill."

"Then why are you crying?"

"I forgot where I live!"


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## **Frost Bite** (Jan 13, 2006)

This thread is one heckofa joke!!!! :chortle:


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## Bowhunter500 (Mar 23, 2007)

kegan said:


> Let's avoid political or slanderous humor- last time it didn't go well!!!
> 
> I got one though: Raphie May,
> 
> ...


HAHAHAHA i think i may have just peed myself! hahahaha


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## Hoyt kid (Dec 5, 2003)

so a horse walks into a bar and orders a drink, the bartender turns around gets a look at the horse and asks, hey bub, why the long face!!! hahahahah

Joey


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## bigram (Mar 26, 2007)

Watching those hunting shows is a little like reading Playboy. Those big racks are out there but they're few and far between, easier to spot than to get one of your own, and if you do get one, it usually costs quite a bit to mount it.

haha


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## Bowhunter500 (Mar 23, 2007)

bigram said:


> Watching those hunting shows is a little like reading Playboy. Those big racks are out there but they're few and far between, easier to spot than to get one of your own, and if you do get one, it usually costs quite a bit to mount it.
> 
> haha


Haha nice man!


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## HoytHelixBoy (Jul 8, 2007)

There were two gay men who wanted a kid so the mixed there you know what and found a woman to pay to have there child when they went to pick up the baby at the hospital all the little babys were crying exept one and the two men said to the nurse hey that must be are's, she said yes and asked them how they knew that, and they said because he was so happy and wasent crying and then the nurse asked them if they knew why he wasent crying and was so happy, when they said no she said that the little baby had a pacifier stuck up his butt.


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## ciscokid (Apr 26, 2006)

Two British traffic patrol officers from North Berwick were involved in an unusual incident while checking for speeding motorists on the A1 Great North Road. One of the officers used a hand-held radar device to check the speed of a vehicle approaching over the crest of a hill, and was surprised when the speed was recorded at over 550 mph. Their radar suddenly stopped working and the officers were not able to reset it. 

Just then a deafening roar over the treetops revealed that the radar had in fact latched on to a NATO Tornado fighter jet which was engaged in a low-flying exercise over the Border district, approaching from the North Sea. 

Back at police headquarters the chief constable fired off a stiff complaint to the RAF Liaison office. 

Back came the reply in true laconic RAF style: 

"Thank you for your message, which allows us to complete the file on this incident. You may be interested to know that the tactical computer in the Tornado had detected the presence of, and subsequently locked onto, your hostile radar equipment and automatically sent a jamming signal back to it. Furthermore, an air-to-ground missile aboard the fully-armed aircraft had also automatically locked onto your equipment. Fortunately the pilot flying the Tornado recognized the situation for what it was, quickly responded to the missile systems alert status, and was able to override the automated defence system before the missile was launched and your hostile radar installation was destroyed. 

Good Day..."


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## **Frost Bite** (Jan 13, 2006)

:chortle:


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## Evinrude (May 31, 2007)

*bed football*

there was an old man and an old lady and as soon as they hit the pillows the man farted and said seven points and the lady said what in the world dose that mean and the old man said fart football a few minutes later the lady lets one go and said tie score and in about five minutes 
the man let an other go and said aha 14 to 7 not about to be out done the lady rips an other one and says tie score five seconds later the lady lets a squeaker and said field goal and said 17 to 14 since defeat was totally unacceptable the old man tried his hardest and accidentally craps his pants and the wife asks what was that noise and the man said half time switch sides


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## Evinrude (May 31, 2007)

*and an other three indains*

there were three indains about to go hunting and the first goes out nad comes back with a rabbit and the other two ask how he did that and he said iwent hunting followed tracks and cought a rabbit the next one went out the next day and came back with a buffalo and the other two ask how he got that and he said t i went hunting folled tracks and cought a buffalo then the last went out the next day and came back all messed up after the other wet there pants from laughing to hard they asked how did he get so messed up and he said i went out hunting followed tracks and got hit by a train


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## armyboy (Jul 10, 2007)

Evinrude said:


> there was an old man and an old lady and as soon as they hit the pillows the man farted and said seven points and the lady said what in the world dose that mean and the old man said fart football a few minutes later the lady lets one go and said tie score and in about five minutes
> the man let an other go and said aha 14 to 7 not about to be out done the lady rips an other one and says tie score five seconds later the lady lets a squeaker and said field goal and said 17 to 14 since defeat was totally unacceptable the old man tried his hardest and accidentally craps his pants and the wife asks what was that noise and the man said half time switch sides


i craped my pants laughing :wink::wink::wink:


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## armyboy (Jul 10, 2007)

Evinrude said:


> there were three indains about to go hunting and the first goes out nad comes back with a rabbit and the other two ask how he did that and he said iwent hunting followed tracks and cought a rabbit the next one went out the next day and came back with a buffalo and the other two ask how he got that and he said t i went hunting folled tracks and cought a buffalo then the last went out the next day and came back all messed up after the other wet there pants from laughing to hard they asked how did he get so messed up and he said i went out hunting followed tracks and got hit by a train


this one is like 200 years old.:sad: i got a different version:wink:


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## Evinrude (May 31, 2007)

armyboy said:


> this one is like 200 years old.:sad: i got a different version:wink:


sorry i just heard it whats your version


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## Bowhunter500 (Mar 23, 2007)

*May be long.. but read it.. i guarantee i can make ya smile! *

Haha alrite.. i dont know how old this one is.. but you may.. may have not heard this....

Alright, so two guys were planning to go hunting the next morning but one of their other friends who is a major drunk overheard their conversation of the hunting the next morning!

The drunk walks over to his other buddies and was beggin if he could go but they said no! He continues to beg all day at the BBQ. Finally, the two who were originally planning on goin hunting the next morning say he can come iff (iff means if and only if) he doesnt drink that night b4 they go hunting! Of course.. the drunk agrees and the buddies part for the night...

The two original guys are sound asleep... and the drunk lies in his bed thinking.. well a few beers wouldnt hurt right about now! So.. he decides to go to the bar and gets hammered! He gets home somehow and the two original guys come to pick him up at his house 7 am sharp..

They get the drunk out of the house and go to the field! While the two guys are leading... the drunk is following them and tells the two he needs to use the bathroom but tells the other two guys he will catch up! The two guys go ahead and the drunk squats on the tree and passes out in the sitting position! 

The two guys come back a few hours later and they had already bagged a nice deer... they pass the drunk passed out on the tree and decide they are gunna get him back for not listenin to the two of them! The two then clean out the guts and place the guts under his butt where the guy had originally planned on crapping! The two guys go back to the truck and tell other huntin stories. About and hour later they see the drunk walking back to the truck like a penguin! 

The drunk continues to tell the two he didnt listen to them about the drinking thing and passed out! He tells them that he squatted up against the tree thinking he needed to poop... then he passed out! He then woke up to find he had "pooped his guts out while passed out".. but the drunk was sure to tell the two that with "Gods good graces and two strong fingers, he got it all back in"!!!!! 

*HAHAHAHAHAHAHA That is my absolute favorite!!!*


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## armyboy (Jul 10, 2007)

Bowhunter500 said:


> Haha alrite.. i dont know how old this one is.. but you may.. may have not heard this....
> 
> Alright, so two guys were planning to go hunting the next morning but one of their other friends who is a major drunk overheard their conversation of the hunting the next morning!
> 
> ...




thats great!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## master hunter (Oct 9, 2007)

holy *guts* man that is one of the funniest!!!:chortle:


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## armyboy (Jul 10, 2007)

master hunter said:


> holy *guts* man that is one of the funniest!!!:chortle:


you can say crap if you want:wink:


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## Bowhunter500 (Mar 23, 2007)

armyboy said:


> you can say crap if you want:wink:


I think he was using *guts* refering back to my joke! haha


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## master hunter (Oct 9, 2007)

armyboy said:


> you can say crap if you want:wink:



i allways get in trouble for saying the smallest things so i just dont say it at all because i dont want to get kicked off.


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## master hunter (Oct 9, 2007)

Bowhunter500 said:


> I think he was using *guts* refering back to my joke! haha


that was the other reason i was saying it. nice joke by the way it rocked!!!!!! lol


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## bowtech72 (Dec 11, 2006)

armyboy said:


> this one is like 200 years old.:sad: i got a different version:wink:


well then lets hear it


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## HUNTERMAN (Nov 20, 2007)

THE BLONDE AND HER SHOES

A young blonde was on vacation and driving through the
Everglades. She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes
in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local
vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle on
prices" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Well
then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator, so I can get a pair
of shoes for free!"

The shopkeeper said with a sly, knowing smile, "Little
lady, just go and give it a try!"

The blonde headed out toward the swamps, determined to
catch an alligator.
Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he
pulls over to the side of the levee where he spots that same young
woman standing waist deep in the murky bayou water, shotgun in hand.

Just then, he spots a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly
toward her. With lightning sp eed, she takes aim, fires, kills the creature
and hauls it onto the slimy bank of the swamp. Lying nearby were 7 more of
the dead creatures, all lying on their backs. The shopkeeper stood on
the bank, watching in silent amazement.

The blonde struggled and flipped the gator onto its back.
Rolling her eyes heavenward and screaming in great frustration, she
shouts out
"Crap... THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT TOO!"



One day an elderly lady was happily listening to the radio, when her music was abruptly interrupted with an announcement about a traffic hazard. Remembering that her husband was out running errands, she quickly called him on the new cellphone that their children had bought them.

"Dear, I just heard on the radio that there is a car driving the wrong way on the interstate! Be careful!"

Her husband replied, "One car? There's a whole bunch of them



The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks,
interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists. Two men and a
woman. 

For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal
door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your
instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will 
find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill Her!!"

The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife." The
agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife 
and go home."

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went
into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with
tears in his eyes, " I tried, but I can't kill my wife." 

The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go
home."

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instruction, to
kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were 
heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the
walls.

After a few minutes, all was quiet.. The door opened slowly and there
stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow. "The gun is loaded with 
blanks" she said. "I had to beat him to death with the chair."

Moral:
Women are evil.
Don't mess with them. 






Memory if an elephant -

A young man just out of college went on an African safari. When he was hunting elephant he happened upon a young bull. The bull and hunter stood motionless, not 15 yards apart for 5 minutes. The young bull lifted his right foot and let out a trumpet that could be heard for miles. The hunter noticed a piece of wood lodged in the young bulls foot. The hunter timidly moved close to the bull, and removed the piece of wood. 

After this incident the hunter could never kill another animal.

25 years later he took his grandson to the Los Angeles Zoo. They were looking at the elephant habitat where he saw an old bull staring at him. The stare down lasted at least 20 minutes, when the elephant lifted his right foot, and lowered his trunk. This sent chills down the retired hunters spine. He crossed two fences to greet his old friend. When he got next to the animal, the old bull dropped his foot, wrapped his trunk aroung the man, and slammed him against the wall killing him instantly. 

Experts say, the elephant at the LA zoo was probably not the same one as the man saw in Africa.





In Boston , two boys were playing baseball when one of them was attacked by a killer Rottweiler. The dog immediately locked his jaws on one the boy's leg. Thinking quickly, the other boy ripped a board off of a nearby fence, wedged it into the dog's collar, twisted it and broke the dog's neck. 

A newspaper reporter from the Boston Herald rushed over to interview the boy. The reporter began entering data into his laptop, beginning with the headline: "Brave Boston Red Sox Fan Saves Friend From Jaws Of Vicious Animal." 

"But, I'm not a Boston Red Sox fan," our young hero interjected. 

"Sorry," replied the reporter. "But since we're in Boston , I just assumed you were." 

Hitting the delete key, the reporter began again, "Ted Kennedy Supporter Rescues Friend From Horrific Dog Attack." 

"But, I'm not a Ted Kennedy supporter either," the boy responds. 

The reporter says, "I assumed everybody in this state was either for the Red Sox or Ted Kennedy. What team or person do you like?'' 

"I'm a Texas Rangers fan, and I really like George W. Bush," the boy says. 

Hitting the delete key, the reporter begins again: "Arrogant Little Republican Kills Beloved Family Pet".




Just a few:wink:

Sorry if there bad


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## BIGBC (Jan 29, 2007)

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=10968343

not exactly a joke but i found it pretty laughable =]


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